Dedicated to a special Lawyer and all who have ever paddled with a Lawyer :wink:
A Lawyer's Christmas
T'was the nocturnal segment of the diurnal period preceding the
annual yuletide celebration, and throughout our place of residence,
kinetic energy was not in evidence among the possessors of this
potential, including that species of domestic rodent known as Mus
Musculus. Hosiery was meticulously suspended from the forward edge
of the woodburning caloric apparatus, pursuant to our anticipatory
pleasure regarding an imminent visitation from an eccentric
philanthropist among whose folkloric appellations is the honorific
St. Nicholas.
The prepubescent siblings, comfortably ensconced in their
respective accommodations of repose, were experiencing subconscious
visual hallucinations of variegated fruit confections moving
rhythmically through their cerebrums. My conjugal partner and I,
attired in our nocturnal head coverings, were about to take
slumberous advantage of the hibernal darkness when upon the
arenaceous exterior portion of the grounds there ascended such a
cacophony of dissonance that I felt compelled to arise with
alacrity from my place of repose for the purpose of ascertaining
the precise source thereof.
Hastening to the casement, I forthwith opened the barriers sealing
this fenestration, noting thereupon that the lunar brilliance
without, reflected as it was on the surface of a recent crystalline
precipitation, might be said to rival that of the solar meridian
itself--thus permitting my incredulous optical sensory organs to
behold a miniature airborne runnered conveyance drawn by eight
diminutive specimens of the genus Rangifer, piloted by a minuscule,
aged chauffeur so ebullient and nimble it became instantly apparent
to me that he was indeed our anticipated caller. With his ungulate
motive power traveling at what may possibly have been more
vertiginous velocity than patriotic acclaim predicates, he
vociferated loudly, expelled breath musically through contracted
labia, and addressed each of the octet by his or her respective
cognomen--"now Dasher, now Dancer... "et al.--guiding them to the
uppermost exterior level of our abode, through which structure I
could readily distinguish the concatenations of each of the 32
cloven pedal extremities.
As I retracted my cranium from its erstwhile location, and was
performing a 180 degree pivot, our distinguished visitant achieved,
with utmost celerity and via a downward leap, entry by way of the
smoke passage. He was clad entirely in animal pelts soiled by the
ebony residue from oxidations of carboniferous fuels which had
accumulated on the walls of said pathway. His resemblance to a
street vendor I attributed largely to the plethora of assorted
playthings which be bore dorsally in a commodious cloth receptacle.
His visual input centers were scintillating with the reflected
luminosity, while his submaxillary indentations gave every evidence
of engaging amiability. The capillaries of his malar regions and
nasal appurtenance were engorged with blood which suffused the
subcutaneous layers, the former approximating the coloration of
albino's floral emblem, the latter that of the Prunus Avium, or
sweet cherry. His amusing sub- and supra-labials resembled nothing
so much as a loop knot, and their ambient hirsute facial adornment
appeared like small tabular, and columnar crystals of frozen water.
Clenched firmly between his incisors was a smoking-piece whose grey
fumes, forming a tenuous ellipse about his occiput, were suggestive
of a decorative seasonal circlet of holly. His visage was wider
than it was high, and when he waxed audibly mirthful, his corpulent
abdominal region undulated in the manner of impectated fruit syrup
in a hemispherical container. He was, in short, neither more nor
less than an obese, jocund, multigenerian gnome, the optical
perception of whom rendered me visibly frolicsome despite every
effort to refrain from so being. By swiftly lowering, then
elevating one eyelid and rotating his head slightly to one side, he
indicated that trepidation on my part was groundless.
Without utterance and with dispatch, he commenced filling the
aforementioned hosiery from that dorsally transported woven
container. Upon completion of this task, he executed an
about-face, placed a single manual digit in lateral juxtaposition
to his olfactory organ, inclined his cranium forward in a gesture
of leave-taking, and forthwith effected his egress by renegotiating
(in reverse) the smoke passage. He then propelled himself in a
short vector onto his conveyance, directed a musical expulsion of
air through his contracted oral sphincter to the antlered
quadrupeds of burden, and proceeded to soar aloft in a movement
heretofore observable chiefly among the seed bearing portions of a
common weed. But I overheard his vocalization beyond the limits of
visibility: "Ecstatic yuletide to the planetary constituency, and
to the selfsame assemblage, my sincerest wishes for a salubrious,
beneficial, and gratifying, pleasurable period between sunset and
the dawn!"
A Lawyer's Christmas
T'was the nocturnal segment of the diurnal period preceding the
annual yuletide celebration, and throughout our place of residence,
kinetic energy was not in evidence among the possessors of this
potential, including that species of domestic rodent known as Mus
Musculus. Hosiery was meticulously suspended from the forward edge
of the woodburning caloric apparatus, pursuant to our anticipatory
pleasure regarding an imminent visitation from an eccentric
philanthropist among whose folkloric appellations is the honorific
St. Nicholas.
The prepubescent siblings, comfortably ensconced in their
respective accommodations of repose, were experiencing subconscious
visual hallucinations of variegated fruit confections moving
rhythmically through their cerebrums. My conjugal partner and I,
attired in our nocturnal head coverings, were about to take
slumberous advantage of the hibernal darkness when upon the
arenaceous exterior portion of the grounds there ascended such a
cacophony of dissonance that I felt compelled to arise with
alacrity from my place of repose for the purpose of ascertaining
the precise source thereof.
Hastening to the casement, I forthwith opened the barriers sealing
this fenestration, noting thereupon that the lunar brilliance
without, reflected as it was on the surface of a recent crystalline
precipitation, might be said to rival that of the solar meridian
itself--thus permitting my incredulous optical sensory organs to
behold a miniature airborne runnered conveyance drawn by eight
diminutive specimens of the genus Rangifer, piloted by a minuscule,
aged chauffeur so ebullient and nimble it became instantly apparent
to me that he was indeed our anticipated caller. With his ungulate
motive power traveling at what may possibly have been more
vertiginous velocity than patriotic acclaim predicates, he
vociferated loudly, expelled breath musically through contracted
labia, and addressed each of the octet by his or her respective
cognomen--"now Dasher, now Dancer... "et al.--guiding them to the
uppermost exterior level of our abode, through which structure I
could readily distinguish the concatenations of each of the 32
cloven pedal extremities.
As I retracted my cranium from its erstwhile location, and was
performing a 180 degree pivot, our distinguished visitant achieved,
with utmost celerity and via a downward leap, entry by way of the
smoke passage. He was clad entirely in animal pelts soiled by the
ebony residue from oxidations of carboniferous fuels which had
accumulated on the walls of said pathway. His resemblance to a
street vendor I attributed largely to the plethora of assorted
playthings which be bore dorsally in a commodious cloth receptacle.
His visual input centers were scintillating with the reflected
luminosity, while his submaxillary indentations gave every evidence
of engaging amiability. The capillaries of his malar regions and
nasal appurtenance were engorged with blood which suffused the
subcutaneous layers, the former approximating the coloration of
albino's floral emblem, the latter that of the Prunus Avium, or
sweet cherry. His amusing sub- and supra-labials resembled nothing
so much as a loop knot, and their ambient hirsute facial adornment
appeared like small tabular, and columnar crystals of frozen water.
Clenched firmly between his incisors was a smoking-piece whose grey
fumes, forming a tenuous ellipse about his occiput, were suggestive
of a decorative seasonal circlet of holly. His visage was wider
than it was high, and when he waxed audibly mirthful, his corpulent
abdominal region undulated in the manner of impectated fruit syrup
in a hemispherical container. He was, in short, neither more nor
less than an obese, jocund, multigenerian gnome, the optical
perception of whom rendered me visibly frolicsome despite every
effort to refrain from so being. By swiftly lowering, then
elevating one eyelid and rotating his head slightly to one side, he
indicated that trepidation on my part was groundless.
Without utterance and with dispatch, he commenced filling the
aforementioned hosiery from that dorsally transported woven
container. Upon completion of this task, he executed an
about-face, placed a single manual digit in lateral juxtaposition
to his olfactory organ, inclined his cranium forward in a gesture
of leave-taking, and forthwith effected his egress by renegotiating
(in reverse) the smoke passage. He then propelled himself in a
short vector onto his conveyance, directed a musical expulsion of
air through his contracted oral sphincter to the antlered
quadrupeds of burden, and proceeded to soar aloft in a movement
heretofore observable chiefly among the seed bearing portions of a
common weed. But I overheard his vocalization beyond the limits of
visibility: "Ecstatic yuletide to the planetary constituency, and
to the selfsame assemblage, my sincerest wishes for a salubrious,
beneficial, and gratifying, pleasurable period between sunset and
the dawn!"