A Novel Way To Commit Suicide | SouthernPaddler.com

A Novel Way To Commit Suicide

islandpiper

Well-Known Member
Now I KNOW I'm out of warranty.

I didn't think of thiis one, somebody else gets the credit, but it is still darkly funny.

If you want to commit suicide, simply do this: FIND SOMEONE WITH GOUT, AND TOUCH THEIR FOOT!!

Yesterday I woke up with gout in the joints of my second toe, left foot. Hot water soaks, and wait for it to pass. That is the accepted treatment. They don't usually amputate the foot, but doing so without the benifit of anestesia might be OK.......may not hurt any worse.

Anybody else here ever suffer from gout?

Cheers, Piper
 

JEM

Well-Known Member
My dad had it and I can't remember what you're supposed to do... heat or ice.... but he did the exact opposite and it was brutal.

I think they gave him some meds, he adjusted his diet a bit, got the heat or cold thing straightened out, and is just fine now. Bottom line: go see the doc! :wink:
 

Kayak Jack

Well-Known Member
Aug 26, 2003
13,976
171
86
Okemos / East Lansing Michigan
Well, Piper-san, you got hurts on your head and on your toes. The mid-section is maybe the next weak link?

Frankly, I was betting on social dysfunctional-ism as the next malady. I lost the pool.

Drink more water & less coffee, tea, soft drinks?
 

islandpiper

Well-Known Member
My wife asked me today how my eye was.....I told her I wasn't really concerned with my eye today.......ouch.

If I'd have known I was going to live this long I would have taken better care of my body LONG ago.

As for the Doc........no thanks.......been to enough doctors already this year. I use heat, hot water and lots of it, and can usually be back to normal in 2-3 days. Getting my feet out of the perpetual cold, wet and snowbanks in the Upper Penninsuala helped a lot. This si the first attack in over three years, i.e. since I got smart as Bearridge and came South.

I may apply some Scotch to the INSIDE of the toe joint later just to see if it helps.

Actually, Kayak Jack did win the pool, I just didn't tell hime. As an old friend of mine ( an ex-US Army combat Photographer , two Viet Nam tours) , used to say very slowley and clearly, with a most serious look on his face......." I used to be crazy.....but, I'm all better now...."

heh heh heh

Piper
 

Wannabe

Well-Known Member
Apr 5, 2007
2,645
2
on the bank of Trinity Bay
I have a friend who onlyhas one leg. He had Gout bad. I ask him why in the hedk he couldn't have gotten it in his fake one. Now he wore potbellied shirts Which kept tearing up his fake leg from the extra weight. He said the weight wasn't helping the gout a bit. He started eading oatmeal. He ate it dry, with cold water, with hot water and mabe a little Jack Daniels. He ate a lot of oatmeal. Now he don't have any gout and he don't wear potbellied shirts anymore. Ain't been that skinny since he was a teenager. Don' know if I could do any coldwater oatmeal, but it worked for him. Wonder what friend Bear thinks of outhouse doctors and lawyers.
Bob
 

bearridge

Well-Known Member
Mar 9, 2005
3,092
4
way down yonder
Friend Bob,

I see ya have a keen eye fer doctorin'. I offer ya staff privileges up ta the Shade Tree Medikle Clinic.

regards
bearridge

ps Main thing ya gotta remember iz our money back guarantee. We guarantee if we git yer money, ya wont git it back.

Orthodox medicine has not found an answer to your complaint. However, luckily for you, I happen to be a quack. Richter
 

islandpiper

Well-Known Member
The Gout on top of the continuing vision issues brought this on :
Today, while hobbling into a shop on crutches my dear 17-year old daughter suggested that I should simply get a seeing-eye horse.......kill two birds with one stone, so to speak. It struck me funny at the time......I wonder if there is a movie deal pending for a storyline like that!!

Piper
 

islandpiper

Well-Known Member
Jack, I don't know how the donkey fits in here except that with my stumpy little legs he might be easier to climb up on to.....and he might act as a Spanish translator, too.

My girls here said I could take the horse to drive-up windows, too......I think in that case they'd be GIDDIE-UP windows. (sorry.....couldn't let that stone go un-turned)


Back in the saddle again,

Piper