Athiest.

[hairymick]

An atheist was taking a walk through the woods.
What majestic trees!
What powerful rivers!
What beautiful animals!" he said to himself.
As he continued walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the
bushes.
Turning to look, he saw a 7 foot grizzly charging towards him. He ran
as fast as he could up the path. Looking over his shoulder he saw that
the bear was closing in on him. His heart was pumping frantically and
he tried to run even faster. He tripped and fell on the ground. He
rolled over to pick himself up but saw the bear raising his paw to
take a swipe at him.
At that instant the atheist cried out: "Oh my God!..."
Time stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was silent.
It was then that bright light shone upon the man and a voice came out
of the sky saying: "You deny my existence for all of these years,
teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to a cosmic
accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I
to count you as a believer?"
The atheist looked directly into the light, "It would be hypocritical
of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps,
could you make the BEAR a Christian?"
Very well," said the voice.
The light went out.
And the sounds of the forest resumed.
And then the bear lowered his paw, bowed his head and spoke:

"Lord, bless this food which I am about to receive and for which I am
truly thankful."

 

[oldyaker]

Good un Mick.... :lol:

 

[bearridge]

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

 

[oldsparkey]

Mick , Here is a song that I have enjoyed listing to for many years., since 1968 and Phil Harris sang it.

Chuck.
**************************************************************
The Preacher and the Bear (2)
(Joe Arizona)

Now a preacher went out walkin'
Was on one Sunday morn'
It was against his religion
But he took his gun a-long
He shot himself some mighty fine quail
And one little "measly" hare
But on his way returnin' home
He met a great big grizzly bear;

NARRATION:
Well, the bear got down in the middle of the road
On all fours like a great big toad
And looked that preacher right square in the eye
And the preacher looked at him and said: "Bye-bye."
Started down the road and took out to run
The bear right after that preacher did come
Run and they run for about a mile
Then they both sat down and rested awhile
The preacher got up - started again
The bear he started out with more vim
They ran and they ran til he spotted a tree
Said: "Up on the limb is the place for me."
The bear got close - made a grab for him
Preacher leaps up and he made the limb
Pulled himself up and turns about
Cast his eyes to the skies and he did shout;

Refrain:
" Oh, Lawd, you delivered Daniel from the lion's den
Also delivered Jonah from the belly of the whale and then
The Hebrew children from the fiery furnace
So the good book do declare
Yes! Lord, if you can't help me,
For goodness sake don't help that bear."

NARRATION:
Just about then the limb let go
And the preacher came tumblin' down
Reached in his pocket, pulled his razor out
Just before he hit the ground
He hit the ground with an awful bang
It was a terrible sight
The preacher and the bear, with a razor in his hair
Just a-cuttin' left and right
Well, they rolled around on the ground
The preacher was up and then he was down
The bear let out an awful moan
It looked like the preacher was holdin' his own
"Lord, if I get out of here alive
That Good Book I will abide
I'll never sin on Sabbath day
And Sunday come, I'll pray and pray."
To the heavens, he did glance
Said; "Lord, just gimme one more chance."
Then his suspenders gave away
And he knocked that bear ten feet away
Then the preacher got up and made a bound
To the tree where he'd be safe and sound
Pulled himself up and turned about
Cast his eyes to the skies and he did shout:


Refrain:
" Oh, Lawd, you delivered Daniel from the lion's den
Also delivered Jonah from the belly of the whale and then
The Hebrew children from the fiery furnace
So the good book do declare
Yes! Lord, if you can't help me,
For goodness sake don't help that bear."

from a 1968 recording by Phil Harris.
GG
oct99

 

[Kayak Jack]

Preacher out mountain climbing, fell over the edge. Scrabbling like hell, he managed to grab onto a bush. He was dangling out over a couple hundred feet of nothing, and the roots of the bush were slowly pulling out.

"Oh, Lord, please help me?!" Nothing.

Louder, and a bit more sincere now, "Oh, Lord, please help me?!"

A voice, echoing down the mountain asked, "Do you believe?"

Yes, Lord, I believe."

"Do you REALLY believe?"

"YES, Lord. I REALLY believe!"

"If you really REALLY believe - just let go, and you'll float down."

"BULL SHIT!"