History of Liberals and Conservatives
>>
>> For those that don't know about history ... Here is a condensed version:
>> Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic
>> hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer
>> and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.
>> The two most important events in all of history were the invention of
>> beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man
>> to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and
>> together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two
>> distinct subgroups:
>> 1. Liberals, and
>> 2. Conservatives.
>> Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning
>> of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented
>> yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to
>> be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages
>> were formed.
>> Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night
>> while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known
>> as the Conservative movement.
>> Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live
>> off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing
>> the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the
>> Liberal movement.
>> Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became
>> known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the
>> domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and
>> the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and
>> beer that conservatives provided.
>>
>> Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most
>> powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by
>> the jackass.
>> Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer
>> white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their
>> beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.
>> Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have
>> higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal
>> injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group
>> therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule
>> because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.
>> Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud. They eat red meat and
>> still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo
>> cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors,
>> police officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines, airline pilots
>> and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own
>> companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.
>> Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers
>> and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans
>> are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals
>> remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America . T hey
>> crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying
>> to get more for nothing.
>> Here ends today's lesson in world history:
>> It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily
>> respond to the above before forwarding it.
>> A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute
>> truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other
>> true believers and to more liberals just to piss them off.
>>
>> And there you have it. Let your next action reveal your true self...
>>
>
>>
>> For those that don't know about history ... Here is a condensed version:
>> Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic
>> hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer
>> and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.
>> The two most important events in all of history were the invention of
>> beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man
>> to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and
>> together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two
>> distinct subgroups:
>> 1. Liberals, and
>> 2. Conservatives.
>> Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning
>> of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented
>> yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to
>> be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages
>> were formed.
>> Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night
>> while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known
>> as the Conservative movement.
>> Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live
>> off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing
>> the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the
>> Liberal movement.
>> Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became
>> known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the
>> domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and
>> the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and
>> beer that conservatives provided.
>>
>> Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most
>> powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by
>> the jackass.
>> Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer
>> white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their
>> beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.
>> Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have
>> higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal
>> injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group
>> therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule
>> because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.
>> Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud. They eat red meat and
>> still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo
>> cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors,
>> police officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines, airline pilots
>> and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own
>> companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.
>> Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers
>> and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans
>> are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals
>> remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America . T hey
>> crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying
>> to get more for nothing.
>> Here ends today's lesson in world history:
>> It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily
>> respond to the above before forwarding it.
>> A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute
>> truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other
>> true believers and to more liberals just to piss them off.
>>
>> And there you have it. Let your next action reveal your true self...
>>
>
