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The Low Down on GRITS............

oldsparkey

Well-Known Member
Aug 25, 2003
10,435
113
78
Central , Florida
www.southernpaddler.com
A friend sent this to me and I wasn't sure where to put it but since it contains some good recipes , this seamed like the appropriate place.

Chuck
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What Are Grits?

Nobody knows. Some folks believe grits are grown on bushes and are harvested by midgets by shaking the bushes after spreading sheets around them. Many people feel that grits are made from ground up bits of white corn. These are obviously lies spread by Communists and terrorists. Nothing as good as a Grit can be made from corn. The most recent research suggests that the mysterious Manna that God rained down upon the Israelites during their time in the Sinai Desert was most likely Grits. Critics disagree, stating that there is no record of biscuits, butter, salt, and red eye gravy raining down from the sky, and that God would not punish his people by forcing them to eat Grits without these key ingredients.

How Grits are Formed: Grits are formed deep underground under intense heat and pressure. It takes over 1000 years to form a single Grit. Most of the world's grit mines are in Georgia, Alabama and South Carolina, and are guarded day and night by armed guards and pit bull dogs. Harvesting the Grit is a dangerous occupation, and many Grit miners lose their lives each year so that Grits can continue to be served morning after morning for breakfast (not that having Grits for lunch and dinner is out of the question).

Synthetic grits: Yankees have attempted to create a synthetic Grits. They call them Cream of Wheat. As far as we can tell the key ingredients of Cream of Wheat are Elmer's Glue and shredded Styrofoam. These synthetic grits have also been shown to cause nausea, and may leave you unable to have children.

Historical Grits: As we mentioned earlier, the first known mention of the Grits was by the Ancient Israelites in the Sinai Desert. After that, the Grits was not heard from for another 1000 years. Experts feel that the Grits was used during this time only during secret religious ceremonies, and was kept from the public due to it's rarity. The next mention of the Grits was found amidst the ruins of the ancient city of Pompeii in a woman's personal diary. The woman's name was Herculaneum Jemimaneus (Aunt Jemima to her friends.)

The 10 Commandments of Grits:
I. Thou shalt not put syrup on thy Grits
II. Thou shalt not eat thy Grits with a spoon or knife
III. Thou shalt not eat Cream of Wheat and call it Grits, for this is blasphemy.
IV. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbors Grits
V. Thou shalt use only Salt, Butter, and red eye gravy as toppings for thy Grits
VI Thou shalt not eat Instant Grits
VII. Thou shalt not put ketchup on thy Grits
VIII. Thou shalt not put margarine on thy Grits.
IX. Thou shalt not eat toast with thy Grits, only biscuits made from scratch .
X. Thou shalt eat grits on the Sabbath for this is manna from heaven.


How to Cook Grits: For one serving of Grits: Boil 1.5 cups of water with salt and a little butter. Add 5 Tbsp of Grits. Reduce to a simmer and allow the Grits to soak up all the water. When a pencil stuck into the grits stands alone, it is done. That's all there is to cooking grits.

How to make red eye gravy: Fry salt cured country ham in cast iron pan. Remove the ham when done and add coffee ( yes coffee! ) to the gravy and simmer and stir for several minutes. Great on grits and biscuits.

How to Eat Grits : Immediately after removing your grits from the stove top, add a generous portion of butter or red eye gravy. (WARNING: Do NOT use low-fat butter.) The butter should cause the Grits to turn a wondrous shade of yellow.
(Hold a banana or a yellow rain slicker next to your Grits; if the colors match, you have the correct amount of butter.)

In lieu of butter, pour a generous helping of red eye gravy on your grits. Be sure to pour enough to have some left for sopping up with your biscuits.

Never, ever substitute canned or store bought biscuits for the real thing because they can cause cancer, rotten teeth and impotence.

Next, add salt. (NOTICE: The correct ratio of Grit to Salt is 10:1 Therefore for every 10 grits, you should have 1 grain of salt.)

Now begin eating your grits:
Always use a fork, never a spoon, to eat Grits. Your grits should be thick enough so they do not run through the tines of the fork. The correct beverage to serve with Grits is black coffee.

DO NOT use cream or, heaven forbid, Skim Milk.

Your grits should never be eaten in a bowl because Yankees will think it's Cream of Wheat.

Ways to Eat Leftover Grits:
(Leftover grits are extremely rare) Spread them in the bottom of a casserole dish, Cover and place them in the refrigerator overnight. The Grits will congeal into a gelatinous mass. Next morning, slice the Grits into squares and fry them in cooking oil and butter until they turn a golden brown. Many people are tempted to pour syrup onto Grits served this way. This is, of course, totally unacceptable.

IRISH BLESSING BEFORE EATING GRITS

May the lord bless these grits, May no Yankee ever get the recipe, May I eat grits every day while living, And may I die while eating grits.

AMEN
 

jimsong

Well-Known Member
May 24, 2008
247
1
lakside village, texas
The perfect Breakfast.
Cover a large plate with one inch layer of "Stand up" grits.
Cover with three over-easy fried eggs and three patties of hot country sausage.
Cover the eggs and sausage with three bottom halves of homemade biscuits.
(Hold the top halves of biscuit for pushing and clean up)
Cover everything with medium white gravy made from scratch.(leave nothing exposed)
Cover gravy with fresh ground black pepper.
Cover pepper with Tony's Creole seasoning.
A quart of hot Community coffee, strong enough to float a 000 horseshoe. should be kept at hand.

(And of course a green vegetable.)

If you are over 25 years old, do not eat the perfect breakfast more than once a month, or it will kill you.
The upside is, if it kills you, you will die smiling.
 

BEARS BUDDY

Well-Known Member
Aug 27, 2003
1,484
5
74
BAY CITY MI
"And may I die while eating grits." I thought that was inevitable if you ate the things instead of using them to patch concrete ...
 

oldsparkey

Well-Known Member
Aug 25, 2003
10,435
113
78
Central , Florida
www.southernpaddler.com
BEARS BUDDY said:
"And may I die while eating grits." I thought that was inevitable if you ate the things instead of using them to patch concrete ...
Dare I say..... "
Your grits should never be eaten in a bowl because Yankees will think it's Cream of Wheat. " That stuff is pure sicking , revolting and disgusting , your are a lot better off sticking with delicious , nutritious , good tasting ( Corn) grits. :D

Chuck.
 

oldsparkey

Well-Known Member
Aug 25, 2003
10,435
113
78
Central , Florida
www.southernpaddler.com
JEM said:
That was "No" ... not "Mo".
Boy does you penmanship ever need help , might be why all of the directions on the instructions are typed out. :lol: :lol: :lol:

Matt by now you should know I love to twist things around and ... YES... Folks he wrote ... NO... and not ... MO. Just a little slip like that gives me a wide field to have some fun with.

OK , so he does not like grits but he does design some great boats so a little fault like not liking grits ( Man I hope it does hurt his southern trade ) can be forgiven. :lol:

Chuckles
PS. Now who would not like GRITS... Girls Raised In The South
 

JEM

Well-Known Member
I like me some grits, but woodflour makes for smoother filleting material. :p

Honestly, I had never had grits, that I'm aware of, until we visited NC in 1996. I like them well enough now, but would rather have hash browns, scattered, smothered, diced, and covered.
 

Kayak Jack

Well-Known Member
Aug 26, 2003
13,976
168
84
Okemos / East Lansing Michigan
Other uses for slime (commonly known as "grits" amongs the unwashed)

1. whitewash for walls and fences
2. traction for locomotives
3. stops leaks in radiators
4. add to noisy transmissions
5. patching potholes in roads
6. add to outdoor toilets (AKA 2 holers) to allay growth of bacteria
7. kitty litter
8. reinforcing adobe
9. rat and dog poison
10. either treating, or to cause, intestinal disorders
 

jimsong

Well-Known Member
May 24, 2008
247
1
lakside village, texas
I am working in South Louisian, right now. As I was buying provisions at the local grocery store, this morning, I realized just how far South I am.
21 varieties of grits.
18 varieties of sausage.
Three varieties of pickled pork.
three varieties of tasso
Salted hog casings.
Freshly made, on the primesis, head cheese.
five brands of shrimp.
Crawfish sausage.
Nine brands of petit pois.
Cooking oil in five gallon containers.

One brand of frozen, peeled crawfish tails, and it was from CHINA!
I was told that Louisiana crawfish just can't compete with Chinese crawfish. Something just isn't right with this picture!
I could go on a rant right here, right now! But I had better get out in the brush, or I will never get back to Texas!
 

seedtick

Well-Known Member
Jul 22, 2006
1,161
7
Denham Springs, LA
Know where's you're coming from jimsong,

my daughter is working in way off houston now and complains 'cause grocery stores don't know what tasso, andouille and boudin are and not inclined to stock it for her.
 

Wannabe

Well-Known Member
Apr 5, 2007
2,645
2
on the bank of Trinity Bay
Seedtick,
Tell her to come to Anahuac if she wants Boudain. If one store don't have it the other will. Don't know where it's made but they ball it boudain and I eat the heck out of it. Boudain IS THE ONLY WAY I can or will eat liver. Love the stuff.
Bob
 

seedtick

Well-Known Member
Jul 22, 2006
1,161
7
Denham Springs, LA
Liver in boudin is typical of west of the Miss. River or Atchafalaya basin recipes

East of the Miss river, folks tend to leave out the liver - guess they figger liver is too good to put in boudin

Anyway I'll bring some liverless boudin to Piper's party next month. If you can make it, you can compare. Might even try to find some red boudin also.
 

jimsong

Well-Known Member
May 24, 2008
247
1
lakside village, texas
I actually like liver. I am not supposed to eat it( predisposed to gout), but I like it! However boudin is the only Cajun sausage,about the only Cajun food, that I don't like.
I realize, like most sausages, there are dozens, if not hundreds of versions of boudin, but my first three or four tastings were nasty, and I am not inclined to keep trying.
It wasn't the taste that put me off so much, as it was the texture, a gritty paste.
Concerning manufacturers of Cajun foods: I think I have said this before on this forum, but I will say it again- I don't care how big the"authentic Cajun family recipe" label is on the package of sausage is, if it wasn't produced in Acadiana, it's going to suck!
All the jerks do, is take their sorriest recipe for a wiener and add an inordinate amount of red pepper.
If it's manufactured in Bismark. Omaha, Lansing, or any other foreign land, it will be a disappointment.
Not long ago, I picked up a bottle of "Genuine Cajun Spice" in a major chain grocery store. It was made in flippin' Vermont!
Well, I am heading toward Cajun history, so I will shut up and go to bed! :lol:
 

jdupre'

Well-Known Member
Sep 9, 2007
2,307
40
South Louisiana
Jimsong, if you had "gritty" boudin, someone did something horribly wrong with the rice. Undercooked it. Good boudin should taste like well seasoned pork and rice. Shouldn't taste like red pepper or green onion as some I've had.
 

jimsong

Well-Known Member
May 24, 2008
247
1
lakside village, texas
Joey,
On your input, I decided to give boudin another try.
Since "Jacob's" makes the best andoulle, the best tasso, and the best fromage de tête cochon on the face of the Earth, I supposed they would also make the best boudin. So, I determined to purchase four pounds, to bring home to Texas.
Last night, I steamed it, cooked some "raas" ,and threw together a nice salad from was was available in the garden. And served it for supper.
As you probably know, Lil Darlin' is Cajun. She invited me not to bring any more boudin home!
Since I'm cheap, I will have eat the other three pounds.
With a lot of horse radish, and Tony's, and smeared on a cracker, it IS edible. (Barely!)
For those from way up "nort" ( Around Baton Rouge), The last sylalible of "boudin, is pronounced like the "A". in a$$hole, and the "N" is swallowed.
It took me awhile to get around that.
Jim