The New Living Will Form
I, ____________, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept
alive indefinitely by artificial means. Under no circumstances should
my fate be put in the hands of pinhead partisan politicians who
couldn't pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it, or
lawyers or Doctors or Hospitals interested in simply running up the
bills.
If a reasonable amount of time passes, and I fail to ask for at least
one of the following:
______a Martini ______a Margarita ____ a Scotch and soda ______a
Bloody Mary ______a Gin and Tonic _______a Glass of Chardonnay ______a
Steak ______Lobster or crab legs ______The remote control ______a bowl
of ice cream ______The sports page______Sex ______or Chocolate:
It should be presumed that I won't ever get any better. When such a
determination is reached, I hereby instruct my appointed person and
attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes, and call it
a day. At this point, it is time to call the New Orleans Jazz Funeral
Band to come do their thing at my funeral, and ask all of my friends
to raise their glasses to toast the good times we have had.
Signature:
___________________________________________ Date: _____
NOTE: I also hear that in Ireland they have a Nursing Home with a Pub.
The patients are happier, and they have a lot more visitors. Some of
them don't even need embalming when their time comes. If anyone knows
the name of this happy place, PLEASE pass it on!
I, ____________, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept
alive indefinitely by artificial means. Under no circumstances should
my fate be put in the hands of pinhead partisan politicians who
couldn't pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it, or
lawyers or Doctors or Hospitals interested in simply running up the
bills.
If a reasonable amount of time passes, and I fail to ask for at least
one of the following:
______a Martini ______a Margarita ____ a Scotch and soda ______a
Bloody Mary ______a Gin and Tonic _______a Glass of Chardonnay ______a
Steak ______Lobster or crab legs ______The remote control ______a bowl
of ice cream ______The sports page______Sex ______or Chocolate:
It should be presumed that I won't ever get any better. When such a
determination is reached, I hereby instruct my appointed person and
attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes, and call it
a day. At this point, it is time to call the New Orleans Jazz Funeral
Band to come do their thing at my funeral, and ask all of my friends
to raise their glasses to toast the good times we have had.
Signature:
___________________________________________ Date: _____
NOTE: I also hear that in Ireland they have a Nursing Home with a Pub.
The patients are happier, and they have a lot more visitors. Some of
them don't even need embalming when their time comes. If anyone knows
the name of this happy place, PLEASE pass it on!