Where is the best place to retire?

[oldyaker]

You can retire to Phoenix or Tucson , Arizona where...


1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
2. You've experienced condensation on your hiney from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open
your oven door.
6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!

OR

You can retire to California where...


1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will
take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought.

OR


You can retire to New York City where...


1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan .
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery
Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
3. You think Central Park is "nature."
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you
multi-lingual.
5. You've worn out a car horn. (Ed. Note if you have a car).
6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

OR


You can retire to Minnesota where...


1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco .
2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for casserole.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.

OR

You can retire to the Deep South where...


1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3. "He needed killin" is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Ellen, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.
5. Everything is either "in yonder," "over yonder" or "out yonder." It's important to know the difference, too.

OR

You can retire to Colorado where...


1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and so he stops at the day
care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.

OR


You can retire to the Midwest where...


1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different!"

OR

FINALLY You can retire to Florida where.


1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.

 

[oldsparkey]

Florida has no personal income tax and Senior discounts are offered everywhere. Plus we have lifetime fishing and hunting licenses for Seniors. All you have do is find one and catch him or her. :roll:

The down side is all the Dam Yankees moving down here. A Yankee is one who comes down and spends there $10.00 and then goes home , the Dam Yankee is the one who comes down and stays. That helps a lot on locating then when you have that Senior fishing or hunting license. :lol:

Any free roaming , antique , Eye-Ta-Lions from Taxasvilliana don't count on the bag limit.
Darn , I almost forgot to mention that the License for hunting and fishing them is for native Floridians. :wink:

 

[catfish]

i dont know but i think sparkey is hinting about someone? :lol: :wink: :mrgreen:

 

[oldyaker]

Good thing I consider myself a Georgia boy Catfish or I would a thunk he was talk'n bout me! :roll:

 

[Kayak Jack]

Good thing I consider myself a Georgia boy Catfish or I would a thunk he was talk'n bout me! :roll:

Aye god, Yakus Thinkibus, if you left Pennsylvania and went south, you'd raise the average IQ of both places.

 

[oldsparkey]

Good thing I consider myself a Georgia boy Catfish or I would a thunk he was talk'n bout me! :roll:

YAKER , WHO ME ????? , I would never do such a thing .........Except , maybe .....Around a campfire on an Island out in the Gulf of Mexico or any river in the states. But only if you forgot how to cook spaghetti in a coffee pot. Yep , that self proclaimed Georgia Boy taught me how to cook spaghetti in a coffee pot while out camping. Come to think about it we were camping in Georgia when that happen. :roll: :lol:

 

[oldyaker]

Chuckles... You was a good student and picked it up fast. Must have some redneck in ya! :roll: Next lesson... Chamber pot wine! Not to worry, I clean the pot out with Jacks Scotch first then put it back in his bottle. :lol:

 

[Kayak Jack]

Dago red wine!