Where no man has gone before... | SouthernPaddler.com

Where no man has gone before...

oldyaker

Well-Known Member
Aug 26, 2003
1,949
31
Well....Hav'n a bad day day thinking of this week. I guess I'm entering thru the curtain of Geezerdom for sure. I have been having tests done and this week the Doc has me going for a colonoscopy this Friday.
Thursday will be the bad day when you have to drink the "Stuff", 8 ounces every 10 minutes until it's gone. Than park your arse on the head until the next morning making sure a case of toilet paper is nearby..... I had been the target or Butt End" of many O-Scope jokes and didn't know there were so many...

Like from the guys at work....."When they look inside you, it'll be like JAWS...their gonna find bent up license plates, bumper off a 57 Chevy truck, grocery cart and empty beer cans to numerous to count!"

OR.......Saying "I love you" to your gastroenterologist in the middle of the procedure is considered poor form and not recommended.

I hope that you are up and "running" soon!

It's just a colonoscopy. It's not the end!

You will "end" up better than ever before.

This too shall pass.

Glad to hear that everything "came out OK!"

Hope everything turns out OK in the "end."

Go boldly where man has never gone before.

Have a sphincter-riffic time!

Tell the doc, "If your hand doesn't fit, you must acquit."

Ask anyone around, "Can you hear me now?“

The Doc claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:

"Find Amelia Earhart yet?"

"Can you hear me NOW?"

"You know, in Arkansas , we're now legally married."

"Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"

"Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"

"If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!"

"Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."

"You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"

"Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?"


I doubt there can be a medical procedure that so many have made jokes of.........It's all fun and games until you "end up" the target of all this jocularity! Don't worry, I'll be understanding when it's your turn for an O-Scope....sure I will! :twisted:
 

oldsparkey

Well-Known Member
Aug 25, 2003
10,479
123
Central , Florida
www.southernpaddler.com
Oldyaker , I would never , ever think of picking on you BUTT.

1. It helps to hit the bulls eye when you have a large target.
2. Star Track music on the intercom , he is going where no man has ever gone before.
3. Speaking of music , Sixteen tons and what do you get , further in and that is no chit.
4. Bottoms UP !!!!! Will have a totally new meaning.
5. Doc to the nurse ...Look !!!! there is a light at the end of the tunnel. No , that is just oldyaker smiling.
6. Doc to oldyaker , I see you had your tonsils taken out.
7. Doc to oldyaker ...Mama Mia , theres garlic in this cave no wonder the bats left.
8. Doc to oldyaker , Have you ever been to Mammoth Cave , I always wanted to go but don't have to now.
9. Doc to oldyaker , Do you paddle white water , There is a boat cushion in here that says "Camp at Lost Minds"
10. Doc to oldyaker... Why is there this sign in here that says ...Eat at Luegies ?

No Sir , Oldyaker , I would never , ever pick on you and make you the butt of some jokes , I am sure the rest of the guy's will so I'll give you a break.

My doc keeps saying I need that done which I keep saying forget it to him , he likes to tell me they give you some happy juice that makes you forget the whole thing , sort of a liquid amnesia or senior geezer moment. I told him that I have those all the time and don't need someone to create more for me.

Chuck.
 

bearridge

Well-Known Member
Mar 9, 2005
3,092
4
way down yonder
Friend oldyaker,

Get 'em ta email the pichurs.....fer the trip report. :mrgreen: :mrgreen:

regards
bearridge

Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating.
 

hairymick

Well-Known Member
Dec 8, 2005
2,107
2
Queensland, Australia
Heya Oldyaker,

I feel your pain brother.

Seem to me ya got a bunch of arseholes for friends :lol:

Seems to me mate, you got the shit end of the stick on this one. :lol:

Seriously though mate, Good luck. Not a nice thing to have to go through.
 

oldyaker

Well-Known Member
Aug 26, 2003
1,949
31
hairymick said:
Heya Oldyaker,
Seem to me ya got a bunch of arseholes for friends :lol:

Mick...Ya really really know these arseholes and ya never camped or paddled with them! You are a great judge of character! :lol:

Thanks for your concern. I'll treat myself to vast quantitys of beer when it's over!
 

oldsparkey

Well-Known Member
Aug 25, 2003
10,479
123
Central , Florida
www.southernpaddler.com
hairymick said:
Heya Oldyaker,

Seriously though mate, Good luck. Not a nice thing to have to go through.

I agree with Mick , Brave thing to do butt at lease you won't have to take it on the chin. :roll:

You notice about this has filled my email box to capacity.
All the guys on here have sent me emails agreeing to send the money later ( Because of this short notice) so we could chip in and help you.
If you would be so kind as to send me the Doc's address ... I have purchased a brand new rotor rooter snake that all of us want him to have , still in the box with the flashlight/camera attachment.
It was not a refunded item or used , I made sure of that , only the best for one of our friends. :D

Chuck.
 

bearridge

Well-Known Member
Mar 9, 2005
3,092
4
way down yonder
Friend Mick,

oldyaker better be glad he iz headed ta a Yankee doctor. Down here the doctor comes in 'n sez "alrite boy squeal like a pig". It goes downhill frum there. :mrgreen:

regards
bearridge

Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.  Unknown high school student
 

oldyaker

Well-Known Member
Aug 26, 2003
1,949
31
Chuck...You guys are tough... :cry: I'm really taking it on the cheeks here..... :oops: :roll:
 

dawallace45

Well-Known Member
Friend of mine had to go get his prostrate checked recently and was looking around for a good doctor , he asked me what to look for in a Prostrate doctor , I said thin fingers , that's why I always go to a lady doctor for things like that , I told him the bonus was that instead of it pretty much being the most embarrassing moment of his life he could consider it foreplay , he said I wasn't helping LOL

David
 

catfish

Well-Known Member
Feb 7, 2007
996
3
jesup, ga.
Hey friend Yak I dont think there is anything thing else to hit you with. I believe your other friends have said it all. :wink: :lol: :lol: Yea it is funny when its on someone else until your turn. I haven,t ever had it done either , so I feel for you. Good luck looks like you gona need it. :cry: :lol:
 

bearridge

Well-Known Member
Mar 9, 2005
3,092
4
way down yonder
I jest hope he dont like it......

'n go lookin' fer love in all the wrong places. :lol:

Lord I apologize fer that one.....'n bless all the little pygmies down ta New Guinea. :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :roll: :lol: :mrgreen: :mrgreen:
 

oldyaker

Well-Known Member
Aug 26, 2003
1,949
31
bearridge said:
I jest hope he dont like it......
'n go lookin' fer love in all the wrong places. :lol:
Lord I apologize fer that one.....

Just a Southern lawyer....ya ain't sorry one bit! :?

Ger.........That's One! :twisted:

Cat....Your right....with friends like this...who needs enemys!
 

oldsparkey

Well-Known Member
Aug 25, 2003
10,479
123
Central , Florida
www.southernpaddler.com
Thar might still be hope for the kid , he is not speaking with a lisp .... Yet. :roll:

Just for the heck of it on this upcoming Yankee trip this innocent southern boy will camp one Island over from all of them and put some Claymores around my hammock , just in case. Ya know he is not the only one that has had that done :oops:

Worried when out camping.........Now Day's.
 

oldyaker

Well-Known Member
Aug 26, 2003
1,949
31
oldsparkey said:
Thar might still be hope for the kid , he is not speaking with a lisp .... Yet. :roll:

I won't worry unless the Doc is smoking a cigarette when I come out of it!
Come to think of it...what can she do to me?
 

bearridge

Well-Known Member
Mar 9, 2005
3,092
4
way down yonder
Friend oldyaker,

Dont worry. When the "happy sleep" took hold on me, one of the nurses sez "hey, didnt ya represent my husband in our divorce?" Bad thing wuz, I never knew if wuz a joke 'er she wuz serius. :?

I reckon the drive down ta the Shade Tree Medikle Clinic wuz too far? Tom comes up with excuses ta keep outta them places. One time this young fella come in, makin' too big a deal bout droppin' hiz drawers 'n havin'......well, ya'll know how the exam works. But this kid kept it up.....kept tellin' how it wuz the most embarrassed he had ever been. Finally Ole Tom had enuff.....'n sez (in a very stuffy tone) "Young man, I assure you this isn't the highlight of my day either".

I got a dollar sez all yer polyps will come out fine.

yer pal
bearridge

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have "s" in it? unknown
 

islandpiper

Well-Known Member
look Yakker......I just did this after some nasty and potentially serious symptoms.....had three polyps cut out, and a clean bill of health.......I'll PM you with some other facts and support.

NOW LISTEN TO ME, ALL YOU OTHER GEEZERS!!! IF YOU ARE OVER 50 THEN YOU SHOULD SCHEDULE ONE OF THESE.....IT WILL FIND AND STOP POTENTIALLY DANGEROUS AND FATAL DISEASE. THERE IS NO WORSE WAY TO DIE THAN COLON CANCER. STOP IT BEFORE IT STARTS.

Ok, back to the jokes......

Piper
 

bearridge

Well-Known Member
Mar 9, 2005
3,092
4
way down yonder
islandpiper said:
IF YOU ARE OVER 50 THEN YOU SHOULD SCHEDULE ONE OF THESE...
The AMA will put yer check in the mail tomorrow. How many folks do ya know who bit the bullet cuz they didnt have a scope?

Sorry.....I jest dont trust nobody no more.

respectfully
bearridge

The trouble with most folks isn't so much their ignorance, as knowing so many things that ain't so. Josh Billings