BREAKING NEW'S.................

[oldsparkey]

::: BREAKING NEWS :::

In 2009 the government will start incarcerating all the mentally ill people.
I started crying when I thought of you.

Run, little friend, run!
***********************************************************

MENTAL HOSPITAL PHONE MENU

Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital.

Please select from the following options menu:

If you are obsessive-compulsive , press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent , please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid , we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional , press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.

If you are schizophrenic , listen carefully and a little voice will tell You which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive , hang up. It doesn't matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway.

If you are dyslexic , press 9-6-9-6.

If you are bipolar , please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep.
But Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. Our operators are too busy to talk with you.

If you are menopausal , put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won't be crazy forever.

If you are blonde, don't press any buttons. You'll just mess it up.


This coming week is National Mental Health Care week. You can do your part by remembering to contact at least one unstable person to show you care.

(Well, my job is done . Your turn!)

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Chuck.

 

[hairymick]

Chuck,

That one is so close to the mark, it is hilarious :lol:

The really sad part is that the joke very accurately describes symptomatic behaviour in all categories. - and we just know there is no help for blondes anyway. :lol:

Over the past few years, I have had people from just about all those categories working for me at one time or another. Their problems are real and very important to them. Usually they are aware of them and the last thing they need is some to torment them or call them mad.

A simple kind word here and there can and does make all the difference.

Something like "How are you travelling today mate?" and actually take 5 minutes from your busy day to hear what they have to say, can make the difference between this poor bugger having just another day from hell or help to cheer him or her up no end.

That simple 5 minutes of your life could also make the difference between that person who might otherwise be having a VERY BAD DAY, killing somebody or worse and making their day just that little bit better and avoiding the trajedy. You will never know, but I believe it to be true.

Bloody hell! am I turning into a care bear or something. :shock:

 

[bearridge]

Dont worry mate. Yer bound ta git over it. :wink: Like Ole Newt Harlan sez "do a random act of kindness ever day....if ya kin".

regards
bearridge

Censorship, like charity, should begin at home; but, unlike charity, it should end there. Clare Booth Luce

 

[oldsparkey]

I was going to add at the end of it ..................

If you are beyond all Hope and all of the above describes you ........ Join Southernpaddler and be with your kind. :lol:

Chuck.

 

[Lazyriverguy]

Sir Chuckles
This is why the doctor told me about your site. He said I would find people of my own kind and those whom would understand me.....
Question did I type that????????????
J

o
e
Hello are you there

 

[oldsparkey]

No one here , call back after 11.....

 

[dangermouse01]

Since its phone related. Heres one I got from another site.
.........................................................................................

I was depressed last night so I called Lifeline.

Got a freakin' call center in Pakistan.

I told them I was suicidal.

They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

 

[jimsong]

Being dyslectic and manic-depressive, I suppose I should be offended! However, I found the post hilarious
I also have a great sense of humor!
nonetheless, I an honor boud to get you for this!
I KNOW where you sleep! (North Amrica,right)
The home world is calling I had better go.

 

[oldsparkey]

Being dyslectic and manic-depressive, I suppose I should be offended! However, I found the post hilarious.
.

Darn ... All this time I thought you were as normal as all of us and not a step above us. After all , who asks a Buzzard to be there co pilot when driving. :lol: :lol: :lol:

Chuck.

 

[Kayak Jack]

... A simple kind word here and there can and does make all the difference.

Something like "How are you travelling today mate?" and actually take 5 minutes from your busy day to hear what they have to say, can make the difference...

Surprisingly enough, the same technique works for all folks, whether they are insane, female, or paddlers. Actually paying attention to someone validates their existence. It's a sincere compliment to all of us.

 

[jimsong]

A strange phenominon I have noticed, over the years- folks that have bad neighbors, generally have bad neighbors whereever they live. People that have good neighbors, generally have good neighbors whereever they live.
I once bought a house next door to a very unhappy man, who told me all the scuttlebutt about all our sorry neighbors. In the three years I lived there, I saw none of it. they were all good people. they didn't even know about this guys opinion of them. I got along with the grouch,and I got along with everyone else.
I expected to get along with everyone , and I did. The grouch expected to be at odds with everyone, and he was. But only from a unilateral point of view.
The entire neighborhood wanted to coexist peacfuly, and did.
He bitched and complained about everything, and would not talk to his"Sorry" neighbors.
A kindness is always repaid sooner or later. It may be decades later, but so what! Even if it is never repaid, so what!
A kindness, a gentle word, a pat on the back,a sympathetic ear, costs me little, and may ease someone's plight, or even save someone's life.
I have a freind who was once a millionaire. His fortune was legally, but immorally stolen from him. you would expect him to be bitter, and he was for a season.
He makes 45 gallons of wine every year, and gives almost all of it away. I asked him why he gave it all away every year. His reply has been a guiding light for me ever since. He told me"Giving is what life is all about." He gives his time, his money, his knowledge, his influence to just about anyone who may need it.
He has done that his entire life. His wife once told me, except for the time when a paper error allowed a bank to confiscate millions of dollars worth of machinery, they had never been without enough to live comfortably.
He's not a patsy, and he isn't foolish. If you try to screw him around ,you may end up bloody. But if you are in need he will find a way to help.
I greatly admire him. He actually changed my life.
And by the way, at seventy some years of age, he is on his way to becoming a millionaire again.
But you can bet your boots, a lawyer, in HIS employ, goes over every legal document!
I have a cousin, who often says"Keep your words soft and sweet, you may have to eat them one day".
And there is a quotation, I shall misquote. I think it may be from a ninteenth centuary English writer, but I'm not sure. " The mark of a true gentleman, is to help someone whom, you know, has no chance of repaying the debt." Nobles oblige.
My practice for many years now, and I don't regret a second of it, is to relate to everyone as a peer. No matter their dress, age, wealth,color, language,sex, or any other gobbledygook, that seems to interfere with communication.
Of course, there has to be adjustment in many societal situations,particularly in cloistered areas of America, and in immigrant communities, and certainly in other countries, But generally, if you are kind, you will receive kindness
And you will be rewarded. In this realm, or the next.

 

[Kayak Jack]

... My practice for many years now, and I don't regret a second of it, is to relate to everyone as a peer. No matter their dress, age, wealth,color, language,sex, or any other gobbledygook, that seems to interfere with communication....

Like you, I prefer to deal "person to person", and not "position to position" with another. Folks who have sufficient self confidence like it, and do it unconsciously.

Those who are in doubt of themselves, will often rebel and want the trappings of position for a prop. How I deal with their discomfort, is then based upon their attitude.

 

[BEARS BUDDY]

This coming week is National Mental Health Care week. You can do your part by remembering to contact at least one unstable person to show you care.

(Well, my job is done . Your turn!)


Chuck.

I know its a week early Chuck, but I wanted you to know we care about you. :lol: :lol:

 

[oldsparkey]

Golly ....Gee....

I posted it just for you BB. Here at southernpaddler we believe in helping the handicapped no matter where they live or who they know. :lol:

Chuck.

 

[jimsong]

Chuck,
A question I should have asked long ago. Does Neil have a "Thought Police" filter on this forum?
Since the opinions expressed here are terminally rational (Goofy, but rational), we may be in governmental danger!
If Washington gets wind of a forum that expresses intelligent, independant, and rational opinion, we could be raided, and the lot of us will be sent to Minot North Dakota, and sentenced to eat oatmeal, all of our remaining days!
I ,of course, will be released within days, after the "Thought Police "review my posts. I will be considered inane, but relatively harmless.
But, You, Jack, Matt, Bob, Ron, ( I don't know how they will facilitate Mick's extradition) , Joey, and many others, will be doomed to a cold compound, with nothing but a wooden bowl and a plastic spoon, and a large volume of oatmeal.
After my release, I, of course, will attempt to smuggle in grits, vienna sausage, chocolate chip cookies, luan plywood, and epoxy. (Maybe some single malt scotch, if I am feeling benevolent.)
(I wonder if you can make beer from oatmeal. I will smuggle in some yeast and sugar, just in case.)
You will be tortured with a view of a river through a bullet proof picture window , over looking a paddleable river. At night you will be forced to watch videos of great fishing trips, and slow trips down gentle streams, with lots of wildlife.
I am so glad that I am a nitwit!

 

[Wannabe]

Never tried it, but I betcha ya could make some catfish dough bait out of oatmeal. Might try that. Thanks for the idea jimsong. :wink:
Bob

 

[Jimmy W]

I bet that Jim never imagined that he would give someone an idea about catfish bait with that post.

Jimmy

 

[jdupre']

Chuck,
A question I should have asked long ago. Does Neil have a "Thought Police" filter on this forum?
Since the opinions expressed here are terminally rational (Goofy, but rational), we may be in governmental danger!
If Washington gets wind of a forum that expresses intelligent, independant, and rational opinion, we could be raided, and the lot of us will be sent to Minot North Dakota, and sentenced to eat oatmeal, all of our remaining days!
But, You, Jack, Matt, Bob, Ron, ( I don't know how they will facilitate Mick's extradition) , Joey, and many others, will be doomed to a cold compound, with nothing but a wooden bowl and a plastic spoon, and a large volume of oatmeal.

Don't know about all the guys mentioned, but I suspect there is enough ordinance amoung us to stave off any raiding party. A coupla Yankees, a coupla Southerners and one slightly off Coona&& make for a deadly combination. :twisted: We were given the second amendment for just such a reason. 8)

And, on top of it all, being used to the fantastic quisine we have here, daily rations of oatmeal would be the last straw. :x

 

[BEARS BUDDY]

Thanks, Chuck. :?:

 

[bearridge]

How do ya'll plan ta celebrate? Watch some tv? Mebbe take Cheswick, Martini, Bancini, Scanlon 'n Tabor deep sea fishin'? :mrgreen:

regards
bearridge

McMurphy: The Chief voted. Now will you please turn on the television set?
Nurse Ratched: Mr. McMurphy. The meeting was adjourned and the vote was closed.
McMurphy: But the vote was 10 to 8. The Chief, he's got his hand up! Look!
Nurse Ratched: No, Mr. McMurphy. When the meeting was adjourned, the vote was 9 to 9.
McMurphy: Aw come on, you're not gonna say that now. You're not gonna say that now. You're gonna pull that hen-house shit now when the vote... the Chief just voted - it was 10 to 9. Now I want that television set turned on, "right now"!