How I learned to mind my own business
I was walking past the mental hospital the other day,
And all the patients were shouting, '13....13....13.'
The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a
Little gap in the planks, so I looked through to see
What was going on.....
Some idiot poked me in the eye with a stick!
Then they all started shouting '14....14....14'
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Now - this is a good one!
Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation.
Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says,
'Kin ya swallar?'
The woman shakes her head no.
Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?'
The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.
The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.
The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.
As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table.
His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!'
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A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 AM by a loud pounding on the door.
The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger,
standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
'Not a chance,' says the husband,
'It is 3:00 in the morning!'
He slams the door and returns to bed.
'Who was that?' asked his wife.
'Just some drunk guy asking for a push,' he answers.
'Did you help him?' she asks.
'No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is
pouring rain out there!'
'Well, you have a short memory,' says his wife.
'Can't you remember about three months ago
when we broke down, and those two guys helped us?
I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!'
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.
He calls out into the dark,
'Hello, are you still there?'
'Yes,' comes back the answer.
'Do you still need a push?' calls out the husband.
'Yes, please!' comes the reply from the dark.
'Where are you?' asks the husband.
'Over here on the swing,' replied the drunk.
:mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen:
:roll:
I was walking past the mental hospital the other day,
And all the patients were shouting, '13....13....13.'
The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a
Little gap in the planks, so I looked through to see
What was going on.....
Some idiot poked me in the eye with a stick!
Then they all started shouting '14....14....14'
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Now - this is a good one!
Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation.
Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says,
'Kin ya swallar?'
The woman shakes her head no.
Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?'
The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.
The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.
The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.
As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table.
His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!'
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 AM by a loud pounding on the door.
The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger,
standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
'Not a chance,' says the husband,
'It is 3:00 in the morning!'
He slams the door and returns to bed.
'Who was that?' asked his wife.
'Just some drunk guy asking for a push,' he answers.
'Did you help him?' she asks.
'No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is
pouring rain out there!'
'Well, you have a short memory,' says his wife.
'Can't you remember about three months ago
when we broke down, and those two guys helped us?
I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!'
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.
He calls out into the dark,
'Hello, are you still there?'
'Yes,' comes back the answer.
'Do you still need a push?' calls out the husband.
'Yes, please!' comes the reply from the dark.
'Where are you?' asks the husband.
'Over here on the swing,' replied the drunk.
:mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen:
:roll: