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Jake's back porch

Discussion in 'True Stories, Tall Tales & B.S' started by islandpiper, Oct 7, 2010.

  1. islandpiper

    islandpiper Well-Known Member

    Jake leaned back on the old kitchen chair, tilting back on the back legs like his Mamma had always told him not to do. The legs all showed loops of baling wire holding them together, from the front to the back, five or six wraps that had been twisted together with a sixteen-penny nail to tighten them up. The chair held, like it always did when he sat back and put his feet, and his big muddy boots up on the rail.

    Jake, or John, or Johnny, Joe, JT, Big Jake, Jay-boy .........well, he'd been called lots of things on jobs he'd worked . It sort of depended on how many fellows with the same name had turned up to work and who got there first. Most places when the boss called for Jake or John he didn't want half the crew turning around and laying off their shovels or picks.

    The mud from today's job was still on his boots when he leaned back and propped them up. Of course, there was something else, too. In the toe of his right boot was a brown spot, right out there on the very end of the heavy sole. Different than the mud, it looked more like a finger size spot of molasses, and that's just what it was.

    Jake had daubed the molasses there with his little finger, then wiped the finger on his overalls, and put the cork back in the jug. That was important. If he left the cork out, then flies got into the jug, attracted by the sticky richness of the molasses, and that's exactly why he had daubed it on his boot.

    About the the time the first big blue fly found his boot Jake had put six new brass cartridges in his .22 revolver. The old H&R had seen lots of use and even more mis-use, being carried around in the bib overalls in all sorts of weather, in the dust and the mud and the rain. There was still some of the original factory blue in the protected nooks and crannies, but most of it had worn off through the years. Even the grooves on the cylinder, all nine of them, showed wear.

    Jake had taken it to a buddy who re-blued the pistol one time and that lasted for a year or so. Then, he got a bottle of the stuff himself and he had touched up worn spots till the hounds had tipped the bottle over, spilling it. Now Jake just oiled it, there was plenty of oil in his world. He could always find an open can or wipe some motor oil off a funnel in the crane on the job. A good wipe down with an oily rag and the old revolver didn't rust too bad.

    He was more careful with the chambers and the bore and made sure that the internals of the weapon were shiny and clean, no matter what. Just enough oil, not too much.

    The grips were that hard black plastic and he liked that. Wood grips probably would not have survived the wet and dry that the old piece had seen. There were three little notches side by side near the bottom. He didn't know what they were for. They were there when he had won the gun in a card game.

    He pulled the pivot pin and rolled the cylinder over, checking to see if every chamber had an unused round in it. When he was satisfied that everything was ready, he reached over and got his drink, some local 'shine in a tin cup and took a drink. It burned, and he liked that, all the way down. It tasted way better than the drinking water on the job. Probably was safer, too.

    Setting the cup back down, he noticed that there were three of the big blue flies interested in his boot now, Hard to shoot the little bastards out of the air, so he waited till one landed and buried it's sucker mouth in the molasses. Then, KAPOW! He clicked off a round, missing the fly by an inch probably.

    He didn't usually get the first one on the first try. But, it was Friday, and there was still a couple hours of daylight left, and God made lots of flies. He'd get the next one, or the one after that, he wasn't shooting very far.
  2. Wannabe

    Wannabe Well-Known Member

    Don't stop now. When can we have some more? Is this out of your new book? Speaking of your new book, when will we be able to purchase a copy? :?: :?:
  3. islandpiper

    islandpiper Well-Known Member

    Mr. Wannabe.....thanks! no, this is just new as of yesterday. Not in the book. due to the continued and excessive jerking around i am getting from the publisher i have decided that he should be named in a write in campaign for Congress this year in the "blowin' smoke party"........latest word is that i'll have copies to sell independently before Nov. 19 and it will be listed on Amazon in early december. That is several promise dates later than the original which was LAST DAMmm3D JULY. !!!

    I'll keep you posted.

    But......you've been a working man.....can't you just picture Jake out there on the porch taking careful aim with a 2 1/2 " barrel at about three feet of range?

    Pass the 'shine and load up.

  4. Wannabe

    Wannabe Well-Known Member

    That sounds like something to do after a little shine, not so much before the shine. But then, I'm not Jake.
  5. oldsparkey

    oldsparkey Well-Known Member

    SHINE ..... HELL....... I want what ever he has been smoking and if he is having it with some shine.....

    Forget that , I don't need it to hallucinate this forum does a good job of that or driving any sane person insane.
    No Sir .... but ... ( No not that part of the anatomy ) I am looking for the rest of the story.

    Only someone smoking something strange while drinking bad shine when enjoying some spoiled crawdads for supper while on this forum could dream up something this good. :lol:
  6. islandpiper

    islandpiper Well-Known Member

    Chuckmeister, this little snippet may be just a brief glimpse into Jake's meager existence. We'll see, there may be more coming. piper
  7. Kayak Jack

    Kayak Jack Well-Known Member

    I hope that Jenny, Jake's wife of 14 years, has a bottle of Mercurochrome to daub on the stub of his toe when he misses the flies on the bottom end of his aim rather than on the top end. she may have to send Ed, Jake's illegitimate son to town for it; she used most of the bottle last week when Jake damned near cut off his other toe while chopping kindling.
  8. islandpiper

    islandpiper Well-Known Member

    Jack, you are slipping. Jake is not married. That was clearly indicated in the clip.

    He is drinking moonshine from a tin cup. It's afternoon, after work, and he's doing what HE wants to do. And, he's on the back porch, so he's already walked through the house with muddy boots on.

    I don't know how you missed it.


    Oh, BTW, he's done this before and there's no holes in his boots, and in his world, you don't just run down to Walgreens for something when you want it.
  9. mike

    mike Well-Known Member

    OK, Mr. Piper, I'll forgive your slander of God's gift of okra if'n you'll give us another installment of Jake. 8)

  10. Kayak Jack

    Kayak Jack Well-Known Member

    Marital status indeterminate. Maybe he, like some wives wish they were, is widowed?
  11. islandpiper

    islandpiper Well-Known Member

    Nope, I've known Jake forever. He's single by choice and style, always has been .

    (Go write your own D---n story)

  12. oldsparkey

    oldsparkey Well-Known Member

    :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
  13. Kayak Jack

    Kayak Jack Well-Known Member

    I did. Jake's been hiding stuff from you, and doesn't want you to know. He got mad as hell at me for letting you know. I'll go back to sleep here. (Like everyone else, Piper San, I enjoy your stories. They're almost as much fun as you.)

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