WARNING! The longer the quarantine lasts, the worse the jokes will get....
Mrs. Ravioli comes to visit her son Anthony for dinner.
He lives with a female roommate, Maria.
During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Anthony's roommate is.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Anthony and his roommate than meet the eye.
Reading his mom's thoughts, Anthony volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Maria and I are just roommates.''
About a week later, Maria came to Anthony saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver sugar bowl. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"
"Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure." So he sat down and wrote an email:
I'm not saying that you "did" take the sugar bowl from my house; I'm not saying that you "did not" take it. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Your Loving Son,
A few days later, Anthony received a response email from his Mama which read:
I'm not saying that you "do" sleep with Maria, and I'm not saying that you "do not" sleep with her. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the sugar bowl by now.
Your Loving Mama
Never Bulla Shita you Mama!
An elderly Italian man lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death,
he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite ravioli wafting up the stairs.
He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed.
Gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs.
When he reached the bottom of the stairs, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen, where if not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven
for there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table were hundreds of his favorite ravioli.
Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of love from his wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?
He threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in a crumpled posture.
His parched lips parted, the wondrous taste of the ravioli was already in his mouth.
With a trembling hand he reached up to the edge of the table, when suddenly he was smacked with a wooden spoon by his wife.
"Va fanculo!" she said. "Questi sono per il funerale."
(Translation No! No !!! these are for the funeral).
Well, we will be let out to play pretty soon. But, our governor here in Michigan, Tzar Whitmer, will want us to stay inside. Many businesses were considered non-essential. However - both the weed stores (marijuana), and state lottery stores were considered as essential!