Oldie But Goody! | SouthernPaddler.com

Oldie But Goody!

oldyaker

Well-Known Member
Aug 26, 2003
1,949
31
Tired of constantly being broke & stuck in an un-happy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife with himself as the beneficiary, & then arranging to have her killed.

A 'friend of a friend' put him in touch with a nefarious dark-side underworld figure who went by the name of 'Artie.' Artie then explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was $5,000.

The husband said he was willing to pay that amount, but that he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's insurance money.

Artie insisted on being paid at least something up front, so the man opened his wallet, displaying the single dollar bill that rested inside.

Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, & reluctantly agreed to accept the dollar as down payment for the dirty deed.

A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local Super Wal-Mart store. There, he surprised her in the produce department & proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands & as the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath & slumped to the floor.

The manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the murder scene. Unwilling to leave any living witnesses behind, ol'Artie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well.

However, unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by the hidden security cameras & observed by the store's security guard, who immediately called the police.

Artie was caught & arrested before he could even leave the store. Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the whole sordid plan, including his unusual financial arrangements with the hapless husband who was also quickly arrested.

The next day in the newspaper, the headline reads, "ARTIE CHOKES TWO FOR A DOLLAR AT WAL-MART"
 

seedtick

Well-Known Member
Jul 22, 2006
1,161
7
Denham Springs, LA
Reminds me of a few years ago when the local police station was remodelling their bathrooms to make them handicapped accessible. Well it seems that someone stole the fixtures before they could be installed. The next day the headlines said:

"Toilets stolen from police station. Cops have nothing to go on"
 

jimsong

Well-Known Member
May 24, 2008
247
1
lakside village, texas
On a separate, and barely related thread, this reminds me of a true story.
In a hamburger joint, in Choctaw Oklahoma, a fire arm was "accidentaly" discharged. The .357 slug went through the mirror of the men's room, and through the dressing rooms of several establishments in the strip mall. The culprit was a young police officer practicing his fast draw.
Fortunatly no one was injured.
This incident came after the police force, and the city council were at odds during a city council meeting, so the police force and the city council stepped into the alley behind city hall, and duked it out.
Choctaw was a facinating town to live in. The only thing more fun than the government, were the floods every Spring. Sadly, they fixed the flooding and the government as well. So I moved!