I pulled out jest az the sun come up Tuesday. Arkansaw wuz green, wet 'n sunny. The highroad thru Little Rock wuz eazy now that they finally got it fixed. Nobody had no cheap gas fer sale like back home. Somewhere round the town of Pelsor, I begun ta notice the trees wuz tore up bad....real bad. At first it looked like a tornado....but it went on 'n on. Then I recalled Dano 'n Ole Buzzard Tom sent pichurs of the ice storm a while back. That wuz it. It looked like a war where both sides bombed the snot outta each other....fer months.....like back in World War Eleven in France.
I made it ta Jasper, population 498. [In Arkansaw when ya drive inta a town, they got a sign that tells how many folks live there.] Then I took off on highroad #74 fer the last winding mountain stretch ta Ponca. I come upon the Low Gap church 'n the Low Gap General Store where the paddlin' geezer canoe clud held a breakfast meetin' back in April, 2005. The store shut down last year after the fella who run it lost hiz good help....hiz wife. She run off with hiz used-ta-be-good-friend. Then he put pichurs of 'em all over the internet, tellin' how they done him wrong.
I seen a fair number of folks gittin' ready ta paddle when I come down the mountain ta the bridge. By now it wuz after lunch 'n the day wuz downrite hot....hardly any breeze, not a dark cloud in the sky. The river looked jest like it did in April, 2005 when the geezers shoved off....without the rain 'n the dark clouds, but when I checked it wuz 3.26' in '05 (3.75' in '08). I unloaded, drove my pickup ta the Buffalo Outdoor Center 'n walked back down ta the bridge. It wuz good ta walk some. I wuz a mite stove up after the drive. I even stopped ta look at the tiny, ole barn 'n stable frum the early 1800's.
The guviment gauge sez it wuz 3.65' when I shoved off. The best water iz 2.8'-4.8', but when it gits ta 4.8' ya better know yer whitewater moves. When it gits much over 4.8' the guviment shuts the river down....no matter how good ya figger ya kin paddle. That comes frum a whitewater paddler. The guviment rangers give a bit more careful advice....fer the mom, pop 'n kids who come out ta blow down frum Ponca ta Kyles Landin', then head fer home.
Four women shoved off in two canoes jest before me. A group with a raft showed up 'n anuther group with two canoes 'n a kayak wuz gittin' ready when I got my gear loaded. Az the Commodore, Paddling Gator, Dano, Tom, the High Sheriff, Swampy, Dapper Al 'n oldyaker kin tell ya'll there iz some mitey fast water at the bridge 'n a few big rocks slap dab in the middle of the river bout 10-15 yards downstream. It dont give ya long ta git the feel fer fast movin' water. When I shoved off I had the river ta myownself fer bout 30 minutes.
The water wuz clear 'n movin' good. The paddle down ta the Steel Creek campground (where the geezers met up, ate good, tole tall tales 'n got soaked cuz the Master of Flow Bizness brung anuther hoodoochie down on us) took bout 30 minutes. Steel Creek iz bout 2 miles frum Ponca Bridge. I tried ta slow down some. I still git kinda excited when I first put on any swift water. I had made up my mind ta paddle downstream a bit farther'n last year so the last day would be a bit eazier. I looked fer a spot where I mite sip some Dago Red 'n watch the sunset on Big Bluff.
I begun ta notice the river bank all tore up.....over 'n over. It looked like wild hogs had been tryin' ta root 'em up, but I knew it wuz horses 'n the folks with a heap a money who wormed their way inta the first nationalized scenic river. When I seen Big Bluff, I begun ta search the banks fer a goof hammock campsite. Bein' my first time on fast movin' water with a hammock, lookin' fer trees 'n watchin' out fer big rocks 'n logs in the river took some doin'. I seen this couple who had pulled up on the bank of a sandbar cross frum Big Bluff 'n I pulled up too. Fella sez somethin' bout "....buy yer captain". I figgered he wuz makin' a Somali joke. I sez "let's wait on the Marines". He sez somethin' that made it clear he wanted ta "buy my Caption". I paddle a Dagger Caption royalex canoe that kin put a can of whup ass on a carport. That aint the first time folks tried ta buy it off me.....even with all the carport marks.
I checked out that sandbar. First thing I seen was a rock circle with busted beer bottles 'n some empty burned cans where somebody had left their garbage. It iz agin the law ta have any glass on the river. I sez "dont seem ta me that nobody in a canoe would do a thing like that on this river". Fella sez "yeah.....but them horseback ridin' folks mite?" I tole 'em I enjoyed the visit 'n moved round the bend ta the other side of Big Bluff. There iz a pretty campin' spot with a swell view. I tried ta git the paddlin' geezer canoe clud in there back 'n 2005, but it wuz already full.....same with last year....same agin this year. There wuz a bearded fella settin' in a chair wearin' a mitey stylish high dollar hat. There wuz some women, one fella had a Wenonah boat 'n they had a fine lookin' dog. I asked the fella how he liked that canoe. He sez "fine, but not on this river agin". They wuz on a 10 day 135 mile trip ta Buffalo City on the White River.
I went on a short distance 'n pulled off. I seen some hammock trees, but the ground wuz all tore up like hogs had been rootin' all day. There iz a fair amount of horseshit along the river now. The guviment didnt allow that at first. It wuz like when the camel got hiz nose under the tent. First they let 'em in the park, then they let 'em ride "close" ta the river, then they jest give up 'n let 'em ride where they like...even cross the river. I found anuther ring of stones, burnt cans, but no broken beer bottles this time. Musta been a higher class cowboy frum the dude ranch.
I didnt git the best view of the bluffs, but by the time I got my hammock strung 'n gear unloaded, it wuz five o'clock somewhere. I raized my glass of Dago Red 'n come mitey close ta reglar prayer......thankful that I didnt spend my day at work, doin' chores 'er listenin' ta loud mufflers 'n boom boxes. Not the best view of Big Bluff, but there wuz plenty ta see. I figgered ya really dont have ta find the big daddy dip dog funky monkey of camp sites ta have a fine time on the Buffalo River. I seen five buzzards cross the river, but no big group of 'em dancin' on the hot air like last year. There wuz rapid noise close by, which aint bad when yer tryin' ta git some shut eye.
It wuz quiet. Ever now 'n then that dog barked 'n I kept my fingers crossed that it didnt bark all nite. I begun ta git angry at dog owners who never seem ta notice the racket their dogs make....more folks that aint dead only cuz it iz agin the law ta kill 'em. The sunset behind the mountains iz always special ta me cuz I live in a swamp. I am glad I dont live close by....cuz I mite be like them local folks who kin drive down the road 'n paddle any time they feel like it. It iz hard ta see the beauty where ya live.
Then come my big surprize. Weather forecast sez 39 degrees the first nite. I hoped I wuz ready. Had my pad, my big fella bag, some fresh wool socks, sweat pants, had my polartec Chili Head hat 'n even smartwool gloves az back up....even took some of them magic "hot bags" frum the Sam Walton Store. Miz Bear 'n the Texas River Rat buy some whenever they put a red tag price on 'em. I didnt need 'em. Not only that, I slept real good. Only heard that dog once, mebbe twice, after dark.
Next mornin' I got my fire goin' thanks ta the lighter knot (fat wood) me'n Mac picked up on the St. Mary a few years ago. The dew wuz so heavy, nuthin' would burn, so I used some of that wood.....got the camp fire lit, got out the Zip stove 'n vegetable cheese omelet MRE 'n coffee fixings. That wuz my first MRE dud. Better me than a soldier outside the fence up on some mountain in Waziristan chasin' ragheads thru the caves. Besides the omelet, there wuz some hashbrowns with bacon. I dont know who come up with hashbrown taters....'er why. That wuz my first time ta chunk vittles in the fire.
After that I went back ta enjoyin' the mornin'. It wuz warmer'n I had figgered. Then I begun ta study the hammock. Why did I sleep so good? What wuz different frum the other times when I had such a hard time? I slept purty good (bout half the time) on the St. Mary on the last trip, but that wuz mostly a long nap when that hoodoochie come lookin' fer Ole Sparkler 'n I run ta my hammock jest before the bottom fell out. It rained so hard, I wuz stuck there til it passed. It musta rained hard fer a few hours. I slept good 'n stayed warm 'n dry in that December rain. Now, strugglin' with a sleepin' bag wuz bad az ever, but now that iz the only really bad part of hammock campin' fer me. I studied how the ropes wuz hung 'n the lines. I slept way down in the foot end of the hammock this time. Mebbe that wuz it?
By the time I wuz ready ta load up, I had my mind rite fer Chuck's Ledge 'n Gray Rock Shoals, plus that squirrelly whirlpool at Hemmed In Hollow where them women stripped the High Sheriff down ta hiz drawers back in 2005. There wuz waterfalls along the river. There wuz a few more rapids that I musta fergot, but none of 'em wuz too bad, altho my canoe jest caint dance on the water with a boatload of gear. I begun ta see how hard it musta been on the paddlin' geezers back in 2005. Most of 'em wuz paddlin' flat water boats. They do okay if ya kin line up rite, then shoot thru, but the Buffalo haz rapids where ya gotta make some quick turns. I begun ta ponder how hard that had ta be in a flatwater canoe built ta track.....loaded down with a heap a cubic feet. No tellin' how many cubic feet the Commodore 'n Ray had in their canoe.
I kept my eye out fer Chuck's Ledge. I aimed ta give it a try over on river left where Dapper Al run it. I figgered I would pull out first 'n give it a once over. I come upon some noisy water 'n but it didnt look like the ledge. I wuz runnin' left center when it dawned on me it wuz Chuck's ledge. It wuz comin' at me fast 'n thanks ta all the gear, I seen rite off I wuz gwine thru it ready 'er not. A pichur jumped inta my mind....me blowed out, tryin' ta rescue my paddle, boat 'n all my danged gear. I wondered what I mite lose. Then I seen the spot I figger Dapper Al went over, but I didnt git far enuff left....there wuz this big rock waitin' after a big drop. I put the paddle in the water az my boat dropped off that ledge 'n barely missed the big rock below. When I pulled out 'n looked back, that ledge jest didnt look rite. Ya mite learn how ta run a rapid, but sometimes in a big flood, the river gods move the rocks round 'n the rapid not only dont look the same, it aint the same.
Whilst I wuz lookin' at the ledge, I seen the dudes 'n dudettes on horses, crossin' the river agin....third group that mornin'. The first time I pulled over cuz all of 'em had made it cross the river, cept fer this last cowgirl whose horse needed a good whisperin'. I quit lookin' at the half empty metal cup 'n done like Lucas Jackson. I got my mind rite agin, cuz jest below Chuck's Ledge iz Gray Rock Shoals. After I made it thru 'em, I felt like all the hard stuff wuz behind me. Funny how them two rapids make ya fergit the rest that lie downstream. I pulled inta Kyles Landing where the geezers camped 'n dryed out gear. It wuz hot 'n sunny agin....jest like Tuesday. I seen a half dozen cars 'n trucks in the parkin' lot. [Day trip paddlers flyin' downriver frum Ponca Bridge.]
I refilled my water bottles (kept the weight down that way) 'n got on the phone. Miz Bear wuz out, so I left a message. I called Dano 'n tole him I wuz sorry he wuz in hiz office. I stretched my legs, piddled round 'n shoved off ta find a good spot fer my hammock. This trip I swore off the guviment campgrounds. After last year when I camped at Kyles 'n that fella pulled out hiz bongo drums, I figgered it wuz dangerous fer me ta camp there. Besides last year, jest before the thunder caught up with me 'n the lightnin' begun ta crack, I seen a group on a gravel bar not too far down frum Kyles that looked like a great place ta camp.
That spot wuz kinda like a 100 yard woman. I moved on. I worked harder at pickin' the rite spot ta run the ledges 'n the low water bridge above Erbie. I likely caint ever find anuther boat like mine, so I aim ta try not ta scrap the bottom too often 'er hit the carport agin. I recalled lookin' at the NOAA site fer Jasper. There iz a map on the page that shows all the mountains along the river. If ya zoom in ya kin see the bluffs that have names, side creeks, campgrounds 'n such. It looked like the bluffs that take yer breath iz mainly above Kyles, but jest cuz one aint the tallest east of the Mississippi River, it iz still purty enuff ta give ya a mitey good feelin'. I made a mistake Tuesday. I stayed on my knees too long. When I stopped it took near bout 10 minutes fer me ta git up outta the canoe. I dont jump inta it like I used ta either. I scairt myownself a few times cuz me'n agile aint on a first name basis no more. I swore I would stop more often the second day. I got up off my knees 'n sat on the seat, but that boat iz awful TIPPY when a big fella sets like that.
I found a decent spot behind a gravel bar 'n set up agin. It wuz likely 1:30-2:00 pm. That give me more time ta ponder things. I wuz glad I didnt have a tent. I spent my set up time standin'....not stoopin', bendin', crawlin', etc. It haz been a while since my back didnt bother me much on a river campin' expedishun. I begun ta realize how a geezer oughta work extra hard not ta use no energy he dont have ta. I looked round at my gear. This spot had a big tree layin' on the gravel bar. I set a heap a gear on the trunk....kinda like a table.
Then I come up with anuther idea. The Brazos River wuz the first time I didnt set out a rope line. There wuz no trees. Here I had a rope hung. I had three cheap carabiners I picked up at the Sam Walton Store. Ya know how sometimes ya buy some campin' gear, even tho ya dont know exactly why? Well, I know one reason now. I took that rope line down on one end 'n made three loops in the rope. Then I tied the loose end back ta the tree. I put a carabiner in each loop. I didnt have ta stoop 'n it wuz eazy ta hook 'er unhook gear frum the clothesline. I know some gear, like a life saver will hang on a rope, but when ya put enuff gear on a rope line, it tends ta slide ta the center. Them rope loops with carabiners hold yer gear where ya put it.
I reckon that wuz all of the good ideas I come up with this time. Next time I will take my slop jar, kung fu machete 'n fruit juice (if the weather mite be hot 'n sunny). I got awful thirsty the first day. By the time ya git thirsty, yer body iz already runnin' a quart 'er two low on water. I am sorry there wuz no good tale in all of this. No lightnin' crackin' all round my head, no big hoodoochie, no bongo fury, no 100 mph winds, no naked women, blowin' out, etc. Fer the first time in many years I didnt see the Canadians. This wuz mostly a gear report. I am workin' on a idea that iz near bout half baked......wearin' some warm clothes in the hammock 'n leave the sleepin' bag at home. It aint all that hard ta rassle with one polartec blanket. I recall when I wuz a little pardner Momma got my brother 'n me some sleepin' clothes that went all the way frum yer toes ta yer neck. Had some snaps in the chest ta climb in 'n out. When ya got 'em on, ya looked like a fella in a bunny costume without the mask 'er a cotton tail. I figger wool socks, mebbe polartec pants, a wool shirt, with a extra polartec jacket, my Chili Head hat 'n wool gloves on standby.
Dano took me back ta my pickup, but on the way we stopped in Jasper fer a sammich 'n a look at the Newton County jail. Mebbe Dano will take a pichur of it next time he iz there? It iz a tiny square jail.....rite outta some ole western movie. All stone, two story......bout 30'x30'x60'. I figgered there wuz a outhouse. On my way home I stopped in ta visit with Tom 'n Miz Winnie up on Buzzard's Bluff. What a fine way to close out a Ozark trip! Miz Winnie fixed me a sunrize special breakfast like she done last year. I reckon I like breakfast best of all. The rest of the vittles jest keep my stomach frum rumblin' til the next breakfast.
I wished some of ya'll had been there ta enjoy the good parts (most of the trip), but it jest aint a place fer a boat that aint made fer whitewater. Mebbe the paddlin' geezers had some luck on their side back in 2005?
regards
bearridge
The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits. Albert Einstein
I made it ta Jasper, population 498. [In Arkansaw when ya drive inta a town, they got a sign that tells how many folks live there.] Then I took off on highroad #74 fer the last winding mountain stretch ta Ponca. I come upon the Low Gap church 'n the Low Gap General Store where the paddlin' geezer canoe clud held a breakfast meetin' back in April, 2005. The store shut down last year after the fella who run it lost hiz good help....hiz wife. She run off with hiz used-ta-be-good-friend. Then he put pichurs of 'em all over the internet, tellin' how they done him wrong.
I seen a fair number of folks gittin' ready ta paddle when I come down the mountain ta the bridge. By now it wuz after lunch 'n the day wuz downrite hot....hardly any breeze, not a dark cloud in the sky. The river looked jest like it did in April, 2005 when the geezers shoved off....without the rain 'n the dark clouds, but when I checked it wuz 3.26' in '05 (3.75' in '08). I unloaded, drove my pickup ta the Buffalo Outdoor Center 'n walked back down ta the bridge. It wuz good ta walk some. I wuz a mite stove up after the drive. I even stopped ta look at the tiny, ole barn 'n stable frum the early 1800's.
The guviment gauge sez it wuz 3.65' when I shoved off. The best water iz 2.8'-4.8', but when it gits ta 4.8' ya better know yer whitewater moves. When it gits much over 4.8' the guviment shuts the river down....no matter how good ya figger ya kin paddle. That comes frum a whitewater paddler. The guviment rangers give a bit more careful advice....fer the mom, pop 'n kids who come out ta blow down frum Ponca ta Kyles Landin', then head fer home.
Four women shoved off in two canoes jest before me. A group with a raft showed up 'n anuther group with two canoes 'n a kayak wuz gittin' ready when I got my gear loaded. Az the Commodore, Paddling Gator, Dano, Tom, the High Sheriff, Swampy, Dapper Al 'n oldyaker kin tell ya'll there iz some mitey fast water at the bridge 'n a few big rocks slap dab in the middle of the river bout 10-15 yards downstream. It dont give ya long ta git the feel fer fast movin' water. When I shoved off I had the river ta myownself fer bout 30 minutes.
The water wuz clear 'n movin' good. The paddle down ta the Steel Creek campground (where the geezers met up, ate good, tole tall tales 'n got soaked cuz the Master of Flow Bizness brung anuther hoodoochie down on us) took bout 30 minutes. Steel Creek iz bout 2 miles frum Ponca Bridge. I tried ta slow down some. I still git kinda excited when I first put on any swift water. I had made up my mind ta paddle downstream a bit farther'n last year so the last day would be a bit eazier. I looked fer a spot where I mite sip some Dago Red 'n watch the sunset on Big Bluff.
I begun ta notice the river bank all tore up.....over 'n over. It looked like wild hogs had been tryin' ta root 'em up, but I knew it wuz horses 'n the folks with a heap a money who wormed their way inta the first nationalized scenic river. When I seen Big Bluff, I begun ta search the banks fer a goof hammock campsite. Bein' my first time on fast movin' water with a hammock, lookin' fer trees 'n watchin' out fer big rocks 'n logs in the river took some doin'. I seen this couple who had pulled up on the bank of a sandbar cross frum Big Bluff 'n I pulled up too. Fella sez somethin' bout "....buy yer captain". I figgered he wuz makin' a Somali joke. I sez "let's wait on the Marines". He sez somethin' that made it clear he wanted ta "buy my Caption". I paddle a Dagger Caption royalex canoe that kin put a can of whup ass on a carport. That aint the first time folks tried ta buy it off me.....even with all the carport marks.
I checked out that sandbar. First thing I seen was a rock circle with busted beer bottles 'n some empty burned cans where somebody had left their garbage. It iz agin the law ta have any glass on the river. I sez "dont seem ta me that nobody in a canoe would do a thing like that on this river". Fella sez "yeah.....but them horseback ridin' folks mite?" I tole 'em I enjoyed the visit 'n moved round the bend ta the other side of Big Bluff. There iz a pretty campin' spot with a swell view. I tried ta git the paddlin' geezer canoe clud in there back 'n 2005, but it wuz already full.....same with last year....same agin this year. There wuz a bearded fella settin' in a chair wearin' a mitey stylish high dollar hat. There wuz some women, one fella had a Wenonah boat 'n they had a fine lookin' dog. I asked the fella how he liked that canoe. He sez "fine, but not on this river agin". They wuz on a 10 day 135 mile trip ta Buffalo City on the White River.
I went on a short distance 'n pulled off. I seen some hammock trees, but the ground wuz all tore up like hogs had been rootin' all day. There iz a fair amount of horseshit along the river now. The guviment didnt allow that at first. It wuz like when the camel got hiz nose under the tent. First they let 'em in the park, then they let 'em ride "close" ta the river, then they jest give up 'n let 'em ride where they like...even cross the river. I found anuther ring of stones, burnt cans, but no broken beer bottles this time. Musta been a higher class cowboy frum the dude ranch.
I didnt git the best view of the bluffs, but by the time I got my hammock strung 'n gear unloaded, it wuz five o'clock somewhere. I raized my glass of Dago Red 'n come mitey close ta reglar prayer......thankful that I didnt spend my day at work, doin' chores 'er listenin' ta loud mufflers 'n boom boxes. Not the best view of Big Bluff, but there wuz plenty ta see. I figgered ya really dont have ta find the big daddy dip dog funky monkey of camp sites ta have a fine time on the Buffalo River. I seen five buzzards cross the river, but no big group of 'em dancin' on the hot air like last year. There wuz rapid noise close by, which aint bad when yer tryin' ta git some shut eye.
It wuz quiet. Ever now 'n then that dog barked 'n I kept my fingers crossed that it didnt bark all nite. I begun ta git angry at dog owners who never seem ta notice the racket their dogs make....more folks that aint dead only cuz it iz agin the law ta kill 'em. The sunset behind the mountains iz always special ta me cuz I live in a swamp. I am glad I dont live close by....cuz I mite be like them local folks who kin drive down the road 'n paddle any time they feel like it. It iz hard ta see the beauty where ya live.
Then come my big surprize. Weather forecast sez 39 degrees the first nite. I hoped I wuz ready. Had my pad, my big fella bag, some fresh wool socks, sweat pants, had my polartec Chili Head hat 'n even smartwool gloves az back up....even took some of them magic "hot bags" frum the Sam Walton Store. Miz Bear 'n the Texas River Rat buy some whenever they put a red tag price on 'em. I didnt need 'em. Not only that, I slept real good. Only heard that dog once, mebbe twice, after dark.
Next mornin' I got my fire goin' thanks ta the lighter knot (fat wood) me'n Mac picked up on the St. Mary a few years ago. The dew wuz so heavy, nuthin' would burn, so I used some of that wood.....got the camp fire lit, got out the Zip stove 'n vegetable cheese omelet MRE 'n coffee fixings. That wuz my first MRE dud. Better me than a soldier outside the fence up on some mountain in Waziristan chasin' ragheads thru the caves. Besides the omelet, there wuz some hashbrowns with bacon. I dont know who come up with hashbrown taters....'er why. That wuz my first time ta chunk vittles in the fire.
After that I went back ta enjoyin' the mornin'. It wuz warmer'n I had figgered. Then I begun ta study the hammock. Why did I sleep so good? What wuz different frum the other times when I had such a hard time? I slept purty good (bout half the time) on the St. Mary on the last trip, but that wuz mostly a long nap when that hoodoochie come lookin' fer Ole Sparkler 'n I run ta my hammock jest before the bottom fell out. It rained so hard, I wuz stuck there til it passed. It musta rained hard fer a few hours. I slept good 'n stayed warm 'n dry in that December rain. Now, strugglin' with a sleepin' bag wuz bad az ever, but now that iz the only really bad part of hammock campin' fer me. I studied how the ropes wuz hung 'n the lines. I slept way down in the foot end of the hammock this time. Mebbe that wuz it?
By the time I wuz ready ta load up, I had my mind rite fer Chuck's Ledge 'n Gray Rock Shoals, plus that squirrelly whirlpool at Hemmed In Hollow where them women stripped the High Sheriff down ta hiz drawers back in 2005. There wuz waterfalls along the river. There wuz a few more rapids that I musta fergot, but none of 'em wuz too bad, altho my canoe jest caint dance on the water with a boatload of gear. I begun ta see how hard it musta been on the paddlin' geezers back in 2005. Most of 'em wuz paddlin' flat water boats. They do okay if ya kin line up rite, then shoot thru, but the Buffalo haz rapids where ya gotta make some quick turns. I begun ta ponder how hard that had ta be in a flatwater canoe built ta track.....loaded down with a heap a cubic feet. No tellin' how many cubic feet the Commodore 'n Ray had in their canoe.
I kept my eye out fer Chuck's Ledge. I aimed ta give it a try over on river left where Dapper Al run it. I figgered I would pull out first 'n give it a once over. I come upon some noisy water 'n but it didnt look like the ledge. I wuz runnin' left center when it dawned on me it wuz Chuck's ledge. It wuz comin' at me fast 'n thanks ta all the gear, I seen rite off I wuz gwine thru it ready 'er not. A pichur jumped inta my mind....me blowed out, tryin' ta rescue my paddle, boat 'n all my danged gear. I wondered what I mite lose. Then I seen the spot I figger Dapper Al went over, but I didnt git far enuff left....there wuz this big rock waitin' after a big drop. I put the paddle in the water az my boat dropped off that ledge 'n barely missed the big rock below. When I pulled out 'n looked back, that ledge jest didnt look rite. Ya mite learn how ta run a rapid, but sometimes in a big flood, the river gods move the rocks round 'n the rapid not only dont look the same, it aint the same.
Whilst I wuz lookin' at the ledge, I seen the dudes 'n dudettes on horses, crossin' the river agin....third group that mornin'. The first time I pulled over cuz all of 'em had made it cross the river, cept fer this last cowgirl whose horse needed a good whisperin'. I quit lookin' at the half empty metal cup 'n done like Lucas Jackson. I got my mind rite agin, cuz jest below Chuck's Ledge iz Gray Rock Shoals. After I made it thru 'em, I felt like all the hard stuff wuz behind me. Funny how them two rapids make ya fergit the rest that lie downstream. I pulled inta Kyles Landing where the geezers camped 'n dryed out gear. It wuz hot 'n sunny agin....jest like Tuesday. I seen a half dozen cars 'n trucks in the parkin' lot. [Day trip paddlers flyin' downriver frum Ponca Bridge.]
I refilled my water bottles (kept the weight down that way) 'n got on the phone. Miz Bear wuz out, so I left a message. I called Dano 'n tole him I wuz sorry he wuz in hiz office. I stretched my legs, piddled round 'n shoved off ta find a good spot fer my hammock. This trip I swore off the guviment campgrounds. After last year when I camped at Kyles 'n that fella pulled out hiz bongo drums, I figgered it wuz dangerous fer me ta camp there. Besides last year, jest before the thunder caught up with me 'n the lightnin' begun ta crack, I seen a group on a gravel bar not too far down frum Kyles that looked like a great place ta camp.
That spot wuz kinda like a 100 yard woman. I moved on. I worked harder at pickin' the rite spot ta run the ledges 'n the low water bridge above Erbie. I likely caint ever find anuther boat like mine, so I aim ta try not ta scrap the bottom too often 'er hit the carport agin. I recalled lookin' at the NOAA site fer Jasper. There iz a map on the page that shows all the mountains along the river. If ya zoom in ya kin see the bluffs that have names, side creeks, campgrounds 'n such. It looked like the bluffs that take yer breath iz mainly above Kyles, but jest cuz one aint the tallest east of the Mississippi River, it iz still purty enuff ta give ya a mitey good feelin'. I made a mistake Tuesday. I stayed on my knees too long. When I stopped it took near bout 10 minutes fer me ta git up outta the canoe. I dont jump inta it like I used ta either. I scairt myownself a few times cuz me'n agile aint on a first name basis no more. I swore I would stop more often the second day. I got up off my knees 'n sat on the seat, but that boat iz awful TIPPY when a big fella sets like that.
I found a decent spot behind a gravel bar 'n set up agin. It wuz likely 1:30-2:00 pm. That give me more time ta ponder things. I wuz glad I didnt have a tent. I spent my set up time standin'....not stoopin', bendin', crawlin', etc. It haz been a while since my back didnt bother me much on a river campin' expedishun. I begun ta realize how a geezer oughta work extra hard not ta use no energy he dont have ta. I looked round at my gear. This spot had a big tree layin' on the gravel bar. I set a heap a gear on the trunk....kinda like a table.
Then I come up with anuther idea. The Brazos River wuz the first time I didnt set out a rope line. There wuz no trees. Here I had a rope hung. I had three cheap carabiners I picked up at the Sam Walton Store. Ya know how sometimes ya buy some campin' gear, even tho ya dont know exactly why? Well, I know one reason now. I took that rope line down on one end 'n made three loops in the rope. Then I tied the loose end back ta the tree. I put a carabiner in each loop. I didnt have ta stoop 'n it wuz eazy ta hook 'er unhook gear frum the clothesline. I know some gear, like a life saver will hang on a rope, but when ya put enuff gear on a rope line, it tends ta slide ta the center. Them rope loops with carabiners hold yer gear where ya put it.
I reckon that wuz all of the good ideas I come up with this time. Next time I will take my slop jar, kung fu machete 'n fruit juice (if the weather mite be hot 'n sunny). I got awful thirsty the first day. By the time ya git thirsty, yer body iz already runnin' a quart 'er two low on water. I am sorry there wuz no good tale in all of this. No lightnin' crackin' all round my head, no big hoodoochie, no bongo fury, no 100 mph winds, no naked women, blowin' out, etc. Fer the first time in many years I didnt see the Canadians. This wuz mostly a gear report. I am workin' on a idea that iz near bout half baked......wearin' some warm clothes in the hammock 'n leave the sleepin' bag at home. It aint all that hard ta rassle with one polartec blanket. I recall when I wuz a little pardner Momma got my brother 'n me some sleepin' clothes that went all the way frum yer toes ta yer neck. Had some snaps in the chest ta climb in 'n out. When ya got 'em on, ya looked like a fella in a bunny costume without the mask 'er a cotton tail. I figger wool socks, mebbe polartec pants, a wool shirt, with a extra polartec jacket, my Chili Head hat 'n wool gloves on standby.
Dano took me back ta my pickup, but on the way we stopped in Jasper fer a sammich 'n a look at the Newton County jail. Mebbe Dano will take a pichur of it next time he iz there? It iz a tiny square jail.....rite outta some ole western movie. All stone, two story......bout 30'x30'x60'. I figgered there wuz a outhouse. On my way home I stopped in ta visit with Tom 'n Miz Winnie up on Buzzard's Bluff. What a fine way to close out a Ozark trip! Miz Winnie fixed me a sunrize special breakfast like she done last year. I reckon I like breakfast best of all. The rest of the vittles jest keep my stomach frum rumblin' til the next breakfast.
I wished some of ya'll had been there ta enjoy the good parts (most of the trip), but it jest aint a place fer a boat that aint made fer whitewater. Mebbe the paddlin' geezers had some luck on their side back in 2005?
regards
bearridge
The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits. Albert Einstein
