Canoeing the Mississippi | SouthernPaddler.com

Canoeing the Mississippi

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Anonymous

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Friend Wayne,

Once upon a time I tole ya'll how me 'n Lance wuz out on the river shootin', drinkin'....well, jest livin' up ta the way they show us on the tv. I looked up river 'n seen a canoe. Lance sez I had best lay off the drinkin', but later he seen I wuz rite. Somewhere back a ways iz the whole tale.....'er mebbe it wuz on the ole forum?

It wuz Dr. Farris Jordan frum Knoxville settin' in the bottom of a canoe....he didnt know a dang thing bout how ta paddle when he set out up in Minnesota (cept what the salemen tole him at the canoe store). He learnt not ta paddle over a dam somewhere up above St. Louie. It broke hiz seat, so he jest set in the bottom the rest of the way ta the Gulf. I reckon that done more ta keep the water under the boat than he ever figgered.

After he seen we didnt aim ta make him squeal like a pig 'er shoot a few holes in him, he went ta tellin' how he jest whupped testikle cancer 'n decided ta see how far it wuz frum one end of the Mississippi ta the other end. He tole some more stuff, but I figgered we had run inta a A-1 tale teller fer sho.

Seems hiz tales, unlike some on here, wuz mostly true. This iz hiz web spot, but it aint much on there....if ya dont count Boston marathon runnin', mountain climbing, AT hiking, bear rasslin', NASCAR racin', etc.



http://www.drfarrisjordan.com/




I copied this here frum the Knoxville paper.


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Dr. Farris Jordan of Knoxville is looking for another mountain to climb.
Literally.

His first backpacking trip was to hike the 2,150-mile Appalachian Trail in 1992. He completed it in 139 days. Nature called four years later. Jordan canoed 2,552 miles on the Mississippi River in 57 days.

Next up could be the tallest task of all: Mt. Everest.

"I am still doing my research," said Jordan, a licensed psychologist who has four degrees from the University of Tennessee. "I have spoken with someone who made it to less than a mile from the top. Over 2,000 people have done it, so I figure I can, too."

For someone who delights in proving people wrong, the biggest hurdle might be financial.

"It used to cost $60,000 to do this before it became so popular," he said. "Now it's closer to $100,000. It must take a lot of money to pay the guides to haul your food and supplies."

Perhaps Jordan will part with a prized possession. His Harley Davidson is red on red. "It's also very loud and it goes very fast," he said. "That's a great feeling."

Also a motivational speaker, Jordan will talk about mental toughness at the 15th annual Carson-Newman/Sports Belle Clinic on Saturday morning. The event begins Friday night in Pigeon Forge at the Music Road Hotel & Inn. Pre-registration is $20. Call 865-471-3466.

"There's no doubt that Farris is mentally tough," Carson-Newman coach Ken Sparks said. "He spent all that time in a canoe on the Mississippi River and he isn't even that good of a swimmer."

"I was canoeing, not swimming," Jordan pointed out. "Besides, I only capsized once and that was going over a waterfall."

Never one to stand on the sidelines, Jordan has written four books. He specializes in coping with stress and has written about Christian singles, happiness and career development. He says people tend to look for a way to fail and this seems to be especially true in athletics.

"A person can think 800 words a minute, so it's easy for a negative thought to creep into your mind," he said. "Documented research has shown that 99 percent of the things we worry about never happen. One of my favorite sayings is life by the yard is hard, but life by the inch is a cinch."

Jordan credits distance running for much of his intestinal fortitude. He also has ridden a Brahma bull, driven a race car and wrestled a bear and alligator.

A hip injury ended his streak of 13 consecutive Boston Marathons in 1991. It also sparked his desire to hike the Appalachian Trail (from Georgia to Maine).

"A lot of my friends think I am crazy for trying so many things that sound impossible," Jordan said. "But you know what? It just makes it that much more enjoyable to take on and complete a new challenge."


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So ya see Allen, its good money in the head shrink racket! On the front of the book he sent me iz a pichur of him boxin'....'n rasslin' a gator too.


Its some fellas comin' down the river near bout ever summer. If I find out in time, I like ta join up with 'em ta paddle a stretch 'er float along 'n show 'em how backwards we still are down here. Two years ago it was some kayakers 'n a swimmer...yep....frum somewhere over ta europe.

I run across that Guy Hoagland fella a few years back 'n we emailed a bit. I asked him what made him do a dang fool thing like that. He sez hiz gal run out on him, he didnt like hiz job that much 'n he jest figgered it wuz a good idea at the time. [Reminded me of Lucas Jackson tellin' boss why he cut the tops off them parkin' meters.]

I dont have the urge ta paddle the whole river no more, but a short stretch iz okay. The barge traffic iz too heavy these days. Farris tole me'n Lance that the ocean boats wuz mitey hard on him down below the Big Eazy.

regards,

bearridge






Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk. Tenzin Gyatso