Festus

[Anonymous]

Fellas,

One mornin' jest over a week ago, I looked out the window 'n seen a red bird with a broke wing. It wuz draggin', so he went ta hoppin' away when he seen me lookin'. I spekalated on whether some boy whacked him with a bb gun. I hated the idea that I mite have ta take all hiz pain away. He hopped away 'n I let that sad thought lie.

Next day Miz Bear asked if I seen the red bird with the bad wing hoppin' round eatin' ground seed. I tole her "yep" 'n reminded her how sad it made us when "Cripple" (a one legged mockin' bird) didnt make the trip after all the special feed 'n water Miz Bear put out fer him 'n the high platform she made jest fer him under the suet cake.

Next day he wuz back under the bird feeder eatin' the seed that fell on the ground. Next thing I know, Miz Bear iz lookin' fer a pan ta put some water out fer him. She haz been watchin' him everday thru the spyglass.

Rite off she noticed that he had a bad wing 'n no tail feathers either. Somethin' wuz mitey rough on him. Then she seen hiz bum leg. It wuz jest draggin'.....not movin' at all. She named him Festus fer Matt Dillon's sidekick on Gunsmoke.

After a week, hiz wing got better 'n Festus even flew a few feet. We were mitey pleased that he didnt have ta stay on the ground with all the critters in the yard. Raccoon, possum, red fox, Cooper hawk, rats, mice, cats :evil:, squirrels 'n more. I watched him half-fly 'n half-climb frum limb ta limb in the fig tree til he wuz near bout 15 feet off the ground.

We wuz excited when he flew up on the metal tray that I set up 2 feet off the ground under the feeder to catch fallin' seed (to deny the rats 'n mice). It wuz painful ta watch Festus work so hard ta keep hiz balance 'n hold hiz spot in the feed trough. Bird peckin' order iz tough, but he showed so much spunk it near bout brung a tear.

Its a mitey dumb thing ta let yer heart git stuck on a crippled bird. I know better. She knows better, but I'll be dang if we aint doin' it agin.

Now Festus kin fly 15-20 yards 'n kin git up in the top feeder with the sunflower seeds. Hiz cripple leg hangs limp off the side, but he uses hiz wing ta balance 'n stay put in the tray.

At first other red birds run him off, but he musta made up hiz mind that bird threats aint gwine ta run him off no more. The peckin' order kin go ta Hades! Now he gits in the feeder, sets down 'n the others have a hard time movin' him over.

A few minutes ago I wuz watchin' him thru the spyglass 'n I thought I seen some new tail feathers growin'. I dont figger he kin grow a new leg, but ever little bit helps. Survivin' mite turn on a few tail feathers helpin' him keep hiz balance.

I reckon ya'll kin tell how much I admire Festus. Animals jest dont go outta their way fer a cripple. They dont have no disability law. Festus jest seems ta wanna live awful bad.

Miz Bear sez a female red bird haz been hangin' round Festus. I dont know bout that. I seen animals do some mitey strange things on that Animal Channel. Mebbe a friend 'n a powerful will ta live iz all Festus needs ta make it?

I sho hope so, but my head tole my heart that a one leg bird aint long fer this world. I know this dont mean much times like these, but when I look round, Festus jest stands out fer hiz courage.

I reckon when I watch Festus struggle so dang hard, I'm pullin' fer everbody with a hard row ta hoe. If he kin try with all hiz mite 'n make it, mebbe anuther fella kin too? Even if he dont make it, he earned my respect. That iz a good life.

regards,

bearridge



When you are in any contest you should work as if there were-to the very last minute-a chance to lose it. Dwight D. Eisenhower

 

[Kayak Jack]

I've heard it said that God's eye is on the sparrow.

Br'r Bear's eye is on the cardinal. And he thinks philosphical thoughts.

My eye is on the turkey. It's almost ready to come out of the oven.

(I don't rank too high on heaven's totem pole.)

 

[Anonymous]

Friend Jack,

I try ta put my crosshairs on the house sparrow ever chance I git. I am god on this spot.....but Miz Bear iz co-god on some things. This year she won the Wally Cox Award cuz she spied on the birds more'n me.

After I ate my grits, I come back here ta read the mail 'n see if it wuz anythin' new ta learn on the www. It musta been 20 birds hustlin' fer seed in the feeder. Miz Bear called out fer me ta "come look". Frum the sound of her call, I figgered it wuz a good thing....like a beautiful mountain castle with 500 acres 'n a gas stove fer bout $200,000. :roll: [She haz a different call when she figgers I done wrong.]

It wuz our first pichur frum Baghdad. I jest put it up on my webspot. Its inside the Odds 'n Ends album. So iz the pichur I'm lookin' at....with them two big windows Miz Bear made 'em put in fer a good view.

She worries ever mornin' til Festus shows up....jest like she done over Cripple the mockingbird. Festus iz still hangin' round, holdin' hiz ground when the house finches, house sparrows, cardinals, peckerwoods, blue jay, nuthatches 'n chickadees git ta shovin' each other out the way.

One a the cats crawled up on a stool 'n had a fine time watchin' the birds fer a while, but cat thinkin' iz mitey hard ta follow.

It sho would be lonesome ta start the day without all the birds.....even when the hawks show up 'n the birds run fer cover. If ya dont have no bird buddies, all ya gotta do iz git a Sky Cafe, some sunflower seeds 'n set out some water. Well....that aint all. If the house sparrows 'n black birds hang out round yer town, ya gotta git a airgun....'n learn ta shoot good cuz a Sky Cafe will set ya back near bout fifty bucks.

If ya git a Sky Cafe 'n dont practice with yer airgun, ya likely gonna order a few "replacement" parts. The fella dwon ta the Sky Cafe company mite ask ya how come ya need so many extra trays. Be ready with a good tale cuz he mite laugh at ya if ya tell him "cuz I shot the others up with a airgun".

That wuz jest some hyperthetikle talk......kinda like a idle mind wonderin' what mite happened if a fella happened ta shoot up a high dollar, store bought bird feeder. I dont recall that I ever done nuthin' like that.....besides it depends on how ya define "if". :mrgreen: :mrgreen:

good mornin',

bearridge
bodine ornythologikle society



If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free. P.J. O'Rourke

 

[Anonymous]

Fellas,

This one iz already bout birds so no topic cop kin call "foul". 8)

Saturday, me'n Lance went over ta the Firefight'n Fellas Club ta see how high the water had rose 'n ta visit with Buddy 'n Dicky. All that Ohio water iz comin' up agin the levee. Buddy 'n Dicky both live outside the levee.

I wuz piddlin' with my handmade shootin' bench when Lance sez "look up at the bald eagle". Sho nuff, it wuz flyin' bout 300 yards up....big lazy circles. The scope wuz in the truck 'n I dont really tote a spyglass round like Ole Wally Cox, so I didn't get a close up look. I dont know any words that tell how watchin' that bird makes me feel.

After we burnt the front porch off the caretaker house Buddy used ta live in (we jest tore off some planks 'n built a fire), we called a meetin' ta discuss problems over ta the United Nations. I had jest tole how the Executive Outcome high dollar soldiers had put a choke hold on the rebels tryin' ta whup Ole Sierra Leon. Leon paid 'em 30 million, but Mister Kofi 'n Willie Jeff 'n a heap a europe folk had decided it jest wont do ta hire some southern afrikans ta whack evil doers.

Ole Sierra Leon told them EO fellas ta "hit the road". They tole him it wuz gwine ta be bad if they pulled out, but Leon didnt listen. The Blue helmet soldiers wuz comin' ta save the day....kinda like when Ole Capt. Benteen wuz headed up the Big Horn River ta help Gen. Armstrong Custer.

Next thing ya know, the rebels wuz back ta whackin' folks rite 'n left. Mister Kofi spent near bout 122 billion over the next three years tryin' ta git 'em ta settle back down. Fer some reason a dollar dont go too far when they spend it.

Oh yeah....it wuz only 300 EO soldiers. It took 'em only a few weeks. They calmed down 'n even had a election, but afrika elections aint quite like ours. The blue helmets brung in near bout 18,000 soldiers. That mite a been why it cost a heap more?

Ole Kofi sanctionized 'em rite 'n left too, but it aint many folks left now ta help Leon.

Rite about that time, Dicky yelled out (he always yells cuz he caint hear, he wont wear a plug 'n he wont tote a bull horn) "look at the big (deleted fer the little pardners)"! I turnt my head jest in time ta see a red tailed hawk floatin' bout 100 yards above us.

Ole Baldy haz wings that go bout 80". Ole Red haz wings that go 53". All us ornithologikle fellas (who found a bird way off course 'n git a visit frum the green pickup boys) know stuff like that.

The nuthatch that finally figgered out that sunflower seeds wuz tasty haz wings that barely go a handspan. Ours near bout didnt make the trip Sunday after he flew inta the big window.

My heart sunk cuz I jest knew he wuz dead like some of the others who hit it head first. He laid on hiz back a spell til I went out ta check on him. I reckon my big feet scairt him 'n he turnt rite side up. I backed off quik. He wuz still actin' like he had ate some loco weed, but he at least he warnt bottom upwards.

Bye 'n bye he managed ta fly off. I didnt see him no more what with all the ball on the tv, but I sho hope ta see him today.

regards,

bearridge
shade tree animal medikle clinik



Woodrow Call: We come to this place to make money. They wasn't nothin' about fun in the deal.

Gus McCrae: What are you talkin' about? You don't even like money. You like money even less than you like fun, if that's possible.

 

[dawallace45]

Bearridge

I've got to say that all your posts look extremely interesting , I just wish that I could actually understand most of what you say , Just a little difficult for this little Aussie boy to understand ,LOL

David W

 

[Anonymous]

Friend David,

Fer that ya have my sincere apology. I try hard ta keep it frum bein' too hard....'n I try ta keep it short so it dont waste too much time. It iz mostly simple banter, not worth much effort.

I reckon if ya mixed some ole time regional Aussie talk 'n some talk frum the Dream Time folk, plus some early Assie tv history, it mite be too hard fer me ta figger out.

I'll keep tryin' ta keep it short.

respectfully,

bearridge
bodine school


Hell boys, I'd a damn sight rather be hung by a bunch of friends than a bunch of damn strangers.
Jake Spoon

 

[dawallace45]

Bearridge

Just be clad I'm typing this instead of talking in person , I speak very badly , and I suppose to you I'd have a pretty board accent , I speak inland aussie , which means I barely open my mouth when I talk [ stops the flies getting in ] but other than that I speak pretty much as I type

Don't talk no dreamtime , that's only for blackfellers . LOL

No need to keep it short on my account although a few subtitles would probably help

David W

 

[Anonymous]

Fellas,

Ole Festus haz grown some tail feathers. I dont figger he kin grow a new leg, but bein' a bird, tail feathers gotta be a comfort.

I dont see no quit in him.

yer ornithologikle pal,

bearridge
sapsucker woods



The Irish are a fair people; they never speak well of one another.
Dr. Samuel Johnson

 

[Kayak Jack]

I'm just guessing here, but have you ever thought that Festus may really be a very canny chicken hawk in disguise? Just think - all winter long he cons the other birds into trusting him.

"Hey, look guys - I'm just a cripple. You can get close to me. REEEEAL close. Just a little closer there."

Then, come April, while Br'r Bear's off brush wallerin on the Buffalo, here comes little Festus. Luridly, he throws off his cloak, flexes his muscles. LOOK! He's turning green - and his shirt is tearing!


Now about this "ornithologikle" stuff. Looks to me like you misspelled either "horny and theological" or "ornery and theological", and I just can't quite figger which it is. Maybe they both fit, ehh?

 

[Anonymous]

Friend Kayak Jack,

You up? Good. Festus grew some more tail feathers. Whatever chewed him up done a good job. That rotten leg oughta come off, but its still hanging there. Heck, he may wanna kick a pig someday. :wink:

Cuz hiz bad leg makes it hard ta balance on the feeder, he jest sets down rite in the seed. I reckon he jest dont care who iz where on the peckin' order. He dont run off eazy.

When I first seen him, broke wing draggin', caint fly, hoppin' round on the patio on one leg, it crossed my mind ta end hiz misery....kinda like the Quinlan folks when their daughter fell out frum mixin' dope n' whiskey.

I'm glad I let him be. Hiz one legged life must be hard, but he jest wont give up.

That iz all the news that iz fit ta print up in Sapsucker Woods,

bearridge
horny theologist



Wine makes a man more pleased with himself; I do not say that it makes him more pleasing to others. Dr. Samuel Johnson

 

[Kayak Jack]

Dear Horny Ornithologist,

Your little Festus has True Grit. Lawyer Daggett sez so.

 

[Swampy]

Bro Bar.... mighty touching story goin on here.
Might I suggest that you call the UN and git some sort of survival hep fer the little critter.
Use yer home fer the folks to camp out at ( news people, cameramen, official on lookers, ect.). (charge later)
Festus might be a golden bird fer ya an' th' missus....

Hey Festus! Keep on go'in feller!

Ya didn't say sackly if'in Ol' Festus waz a male er a female....

swampy to th' Bird Man o' Arkasas

 

[Anonymous]

Friend Swampy,

Round these parts Festus iz a fellas name....least it used ta be. :cry:

Festus iz havin' a hard enuff time seein' the next sunrise (the one a few minutes ago wuz the best I seen in a month a Sundays). He dont need no guviment help. I dont figger a sanction 'er a resolution would do him no good. Besides, the United Nations iz full of evil doers 'n cowards 'n crooks. We aint likely ta see no more frum them.

Mohammed the Coopers Hawk iz our big fear fer Festus....him 'n the little boys with BB guns. The little pardners have a terrible time tween kid 'n man. Sometimes it takes a good woman ta clear 'em of bein' downrite mean.

regards,

bearridge
shade tree animal clinik



I ain't like that no more. I ain't the same, Ned. Claudia, she straightened me up, cleared me of drinkin' whiskey and all. Just cuz we're goin' on this killing, that don't mean I'm gonna go back ta bein' the way I wuz. I jest need the money, git a new start fer them youngsters. Ned, you remember that drover I shot through the mouth ‘n his teeth came out the back of his head? I think about him now and again. He didn't do anything to deserve to get shot, at least nothin' I could remember when I sobered up. William Munny

 

[Swampy]

Good to hear that ya can tell if Festus is a male bird..... some o' them birds hide their identity well... :shock:

So there goes the call to the National Women's Liberation Society.... :cry:

I weren't try'in to git ya to join that club... jest git yer hands on a few o' them thar dollars they send out every now an then ...

Have ya tried Animal Hospital yet? Maybe git Festus a new leg?They kin film it and then you'd be famous.... ( remember... 2006 ain't far away...)

Tell Festus that we're pullin for him.

Keep in mind that nature ain't kind.... but it is ballanced.

swampy

 

[Anonymous]

Friend Swampy,

With cardinals it iz purty eazy ta tell the guys frum the gals. :lol:

Holdin' such a low opinion of hospitals, I dang sho aint takin' any pets ta one. Festus iz gwine ta make it on hiz own 'er he jest wont make the trip. We are pullin' fer him, but that animal channel stuff iz fer folks with more cash than good sense....kinda like Miz Paris Hilton who acts like she got the Kennedy Curse (caint keep her britches on) too.

Hospitals iz mitey dangerous fer folks 'n critters.

regards,

bearridge
shade tree critter clinik



I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
Xenocrates

 

[Kayak Jack]

Nowwww - let me tell the story of a bird named Festus,
Poor little feller barely kept his freedum from arrestus.

Then one day he was out a seeking food,
When up through the snow came a bubbling (a familiar looking leg)

Kin folk said, "Festus - better hop away from there."
They said, "Adams back yard is the pace ya oughta be."
So he packed up his trunk and moved to where Bear be.

etc.

 

[Swampy]

"Hills that is..."

Jack yer on a roll...

swampy

 

[Anonymous]

swimmin' holes...movie stars....ya'll come back ya hear! :lol:


I am sorry me 'n my digitized camera dont geehaw. This joke....ya'll jokin', rite? Well, its some folks with the high dollar homes went all down in the mouth when we moved in. Miz Drysdale near bout fell out when the chain link fence went up....'n the ole barn didnt come down. [The ole fella who put the fence up tole her it wuz gwine ta be wall ta wall goats.]

I figger the ole barn iz comin' down by itsownself.

The Viet Cong cross the street dont care long az they kin set inside the Altima 'n turn the music up loud 'n smoke cigarettes. Rest of the neighborhood iz jest average folks. Barely ahead of a goat.

One 'er two iz decent, respectful folk, but sometimes ya forget they are there.

Roscoe Brown went ta actin' a fool this mornin'. I tole Miz Bear it must be a tsunami comin'. I dont recall one comin' before, but we had some mitey bad floods back in the ole days.

When I got ta work I seen it wuz a dead Doobie Brother. That musta been what Roscoe Brown wuz tryin' ta tell me.

regards,

bearridge
bodine school of music



Survival kit contents check. In them you'll find: one forty-five caliber automatic; two boxes of ammunition; four days' concentrated emergency rations; one drug issue containing antibiotics, morphine, vitamin pills, pep pills, sleeping pills, tranquilizer pills; one miniature combination Russian phrase book and Bible; one hundred dollars in rubles; one hundred dollars in gold; nine packs of chewing gum; one issue of prophylactics; three lipsticks; three pair of nylon stockings. Shoot, a fella' could have a pretty good weekend in Vegas with all that stuff.
Maj. T.J. “Kingâ€Â

 

[Anonymous]

Hey!
Chester had the bum leg. Festus was just an Arkansas hillbilly. Lets not be corrupting the video history of this great country

 

[Kayak Jack]

Yer right, Dog. But it's too late now. Poor little bird's reputaton has done been shot.

Bear is boiling up greeitz right now to make a cast for his leg. Or, maybe birdie-sized greeitz overshoes like the Mafia does.